I hate the weekend, I just have a good night sleep on Wednesday and then I have nothing to do for the next two days.
I hate this house and this family.

Mn Zamaaan!

Oh My God! The guilt!
I actually feel guilty for not blogging! How can blogger feel like a family member that you need to keep in touch with, and if you don't, you feel like you are committing a sin!
I actually feel ashamed because of the length of time that I kept myself busy and away from blogger!

It was always on my mind though! I even finished a drawing and took a picture of it (can't fit into scanner; too large) and because I didn't find my USB cable, it had been waiting in my camera for 3 weeks now!!

So, latest,

I took this screening exam at work, you are supposed to pass it to become a candidate for a course that makes you able to study masters in the US (as I understood, because the US won't accept just my bachelors degree as qualification for my specialty; not really sure about that). At first, they told us that the top 10 scores will take the course. Then, when the scores came out, they said that even if you are a top 10, you're only a candidate for the course (of course picking the 10 lucky students is subject to "political" criteria). I visited the coordinator/course provider to submit my remaining papers a few days after the exam. She told me that she really wants to send me to the US because of my specialty. I am the only one from my specialty that applied; I am a "needed specialty for the organization". She talked about a few schools in the US that she thought were good, and she said that she's been doing some research for me. "You did beautifully on the test, by the way", I was glad, I said "really? Hmmm, am I a top 10?" She said "definitely" and then she told me not to tell the other girls. I was soooo happy, I went back to the office and I hugged J. J was glad for me.

Now, I think that the most important would be the "political" criteria, if you know what I'm talking about. I know that if I am not on the course, then it is because of that.

If I don't get on the course, alhamdullilah anyway, it wouldn't be the end of the universe; I am still going to apply for the sponsorship through the scholarship office.

Pray for me, I feel I need to study, I am in love with what I'm doing right now, it is my dream job :)

Hey

Just had chicken and vegetables soup. Made me feel a little better. I am much better than yesterday; I was so exhausted and couldn't move. Today, typing doesn't exhaust me, but I can't breath!!

I have no idea what I'll be doing this weekend, maybe just rest and draw. I'm working on two drawings now, once I finish one, I'll show you guys because you asked me, remember?

I'm enjoying Pet Society app on Facebook!! That's my pet, and hey look, today I decided to have a poop baskit in my bathroom.. That is where I'm going to keep my poop until I send it as a gift to some lucky friend! ;)

*Jem - They


That's the song that was on my mind Jundi, really... who made up all the rules? That's my problem.. I rethink the rules and then get myself in trouble. Yallah!

See ya..

Hey, I Have A Blog!!

Seriously, I almost forgot that I had one.. I got a few emails from blogger today, DreamerMe aka DM commented on some of my posts, and I remembered.. Hey, I have a blog! (Thanks for the comments, I swear you made me happy! Hehe)..

I didn't post anything, because I am depressed. And I don't want to write depressing stuff on my blog. Let it out, I know, yeah that's great, cool and all.. But I don't want to let it out and then have to think about it again while typing. I want to forget everything and distract myself with work, work, and more work! Works great for me!

Good news! Boss's boss is going on vacation starting next week; boss said he'll "give me a lot of things, and will let me decide on them" and he "won't say anything to me". Talk about responsibility! I don't mind that, but never mind what he says, if I need a second opinion, I'll go to him because after all, he is still my boss and I trust him. I told him, hmmmm, so starting next week, you and me will have a headache! He said yes. Because I know what it's like to be in his place, I covered for him before, and it's a HEADACHE!

So, anyhow, headache or not, I'm happy with it. Thanks boss's boss for going on vacation!

I'm so sick by the way!! Since last night I started feeling weak, headache.. Today I'm totally exhausted, and I feel like my eyes are warm from the inside. I just want to lay down and close my eyes. Breath with my mouth closed, because my breath is so warm inside, and it soothes my throat. I feel just like a little helpless kid.

Yet, I blogged!
Sorry Jundi, no song again! Because I'm blogging from my BB. I have a song on mind though..

God, my hands are exhausted from typing on BB now! Gotta go rest.. M3assalama!

I have good news: I feel better!!

Going back to work was a much needed distraction, although it took a bit of effort to get myself to kind of feel normal. I have been trying to sleep at least 6 straight hours for the past few days, but it's just not happening! I couldn't get myself to go back to sleep after 4 hours every night even with sleeping pills. And even on Sunday when I was up for 26 hours straight by 8 pm, I woke up after 4 hours. I guess it's gonna take a little more time.

I gained 3 KG in 9 days as a result of stress eating; as soon as the sleeping thing is adjusted, I am back to the gym.

I am trying my hardest to be depression-free, because I really don't want to use pills. I've been having anxiety attacks for a while, they started in the last few months of my engagement and they only got more distressing as the wedding date was approaching. I thought after canceling the wedding, they'd stop. But with the new problems that I have now and the stresses that I'm facing, they got worse!
I never spoke about them because it wasn't severe, it was tolerable. Now, I don't know how to describe it! It is horrible when it happens, suddenly, with no reason you get terrified, shaking, feeling like wanting to escape and run and scream, like being a victim in a horror movie. This is what I'm mostly trying to avoid so not to take antianxiety pills.

I started pencil drawing again, I love it, miss it, and I'm redoing some old stuff right now.

It's progress. I give all the credit to having a job outside home, alhamdulillah! I am praying to God for me to not lose my job, not only because I love it, but because it is a great distraction.

And I miss you guys! I wanna read your latest posts, but I've been out of internet network for the past few days at home; service provider problems. And you know what a dedicated worker I am, I just don't do blogger from work :p

So, anyhow, progress ha!

WTH!

I am extremely depressed... Again!

Next week I'm back to work, missed it like hell! And I'm going to break most of the rules, I am going to look for my happiness if it kills me! Because, that is the only other option.

This is the end. 3 more days. Good bye!

I thought about Prozac, I received a recommendation, but I am not up to suffer with side effects; any of them! I am going to do it the natural way; rebell and do what the hell I wanna do.

A related song:
I'm exaggerating!!
*Pink - Bad Influence

Interesting Lunch

*David Guetta ft. Akon - Sexy Chick


I didn't have time to have lunch with my friend at work in the main dining because I was with boss listening to his diabolical plans to rule the section (well, he already is ruling it and doing a GREAT job!), so when we were done talking, the main dining was closed half an hour ago, so I decided to go to the coffee shop in the recreation center, which is right behind my office. I ordered a mixed veggie + pepperoni pizza with french fries and pepsi and I sat at a table. By the way, I don't usually eat that much fries, and I'm known for NOT drinking any kind of soda; but it was one of those days!

So anyhow, there is this swimming pool for males inside the recreation center, which is basically what you will be looking at when you're in the coffee shop. The coffee shop is in the first floor, and the whole wall that faces the pool is all glass, so you pretty much have a good view on the pool. It isn't much crowded usually, but every now and then a bunch of guys or a group of kids from the family housing go swimming in the afternoon.

So anyhow, I am waiting for my pizza, french fries and pepsi, and I notice a guy who looked absolutely lovely; tallish, good built, white skin, black hair, wearing shorts, a t-shirt and some sort of sneakers, holding a towel and heading to the pool. I got distracted with the waiter putting my pizza on the table and asking me if I needed anything else, I told him about my french fries and pepsi.
I had a piece of pizza as I relaxed leaning on the back of the chair, and then I turned to look at the swimming pool... I know what a good looking guy looks like, but I wanted to see how this good looking guy looks shirtless.. It was innocent, don't get me wrong, I am just feeding my curiosity!

So anyhow, I didn't get to see shirtless good looking guy, I thought he left the swimming pool.. But as I was almost done with my pizza, good looking guy reappears! Oh my god he was out of the pool, in his shorts, bare feet, towel wrapped around his shoulders as he was drying his body.
I was eager to see what was hidden under the towel, good looking guy was giving me his back... He lowered the towel to dry the lower parts of his body and I see....

OwoowWwhhh!!

Good looking guy with seriously hairy back!!
It was soooo WOW especially that he was white skinned and black haired, so, the contrast made it even worse!
It was so much hair that you could actually comb it and tie it. I imagined his back hair tied in multi-colored scrunchies.. Eww!!
Good looking guy with hairy back covered his back with the towel and headed back to a safe place (away from my view -or anyone else's!) to change his shorts and wear his t-shirt.
Maaaan! Good looking guy should really shave his back! This is why God made laser hair removal accessible!! :/
Oh well, so much for the single, curious life of girls!

Troubled Sleep

* Jem - Flying High

The most amazing lyrics! Love how it describes the dilemma!!

I didn't sleep last night, I was wide awake all night until it was 5:30 AM; I slept and I woke up after an hour, wide awake again but this time with a headache.

I was so tired the day before (Friday) and I didn't really sleep well on Friday night; it was the kinda sleep that you wake up every now and then and force yourself to go back to sleep...
I really wanted to have a lazy Friday and sleep again in the afternoon, especially that I spent Thursday swimming in the swimming pool for four hours and playing football! But I didn't, because I promised my friend to visit her, and so I did with my sister and another friend. She's now happy. Mission accomplished.

So today was okay, except that I felt myself approaching an extreme level of anxiety in the morning. Just like that, for no reason. Sometimes it happens to me and I don't know how to deal with it, it feels like an introduction to a panic attack, but I never reach there thanks God. I was in a meeting this morning, waiting silently and appearing to be very patient for my turn to give my update and leave the room; but inside me I felt that ohDear!! is shouting and wants to run so damn fast to burn all the energy until she (I) is exhausted. The thoughts in my head were racing and it could reach a point of me not keeping up with them, and when that happens I get really scared... I get terrified! I didn't reach that point today, but I could feel my heart beating so fast and my hands could not stop shaking.

This thing happens to me all the time but it increases in intensity and frequency with stress. It is awful that it could happen anytime and without warning; it surprises you and you just have to live with it (or kill yourself). I was thinking that maybe I should start taking some kind of antianxiety medication, but I am afraid of the side effects; so I'm trying a "natural" or "herbal" antianxiety medication that is supposed to be really good, and does not have side effects. I won't use it all the time, only when I'm desperate.
I am a laid back and happy person, but I tend to worry a lot and think a lot.. Girls are like that, but sometimes I take it too far with the thinking thing. I do yoga and I read books and I concentrate on my work. I go out all the time to have fun and when I intend to have fun, I know how to get it!! So, I'm pretty much a normal person from that perspective. But this thing still happens.

So what I'm doing now, it's 6 PM, I took two Panadol cold and flu pills to help me get dizzy and lethargic and eventually sleep. It helps to really relax all the muscles in my body to the extent that I cannot move sometimes, nevertheless, I still keep waking up if I'm having trouble sleeping that day.

So, I've been on bed in the dark for a while, and I'm hoping to sleep now and don't wake up till tomorrow morning! Pray for me! :)

It's Finally Today

*Brett Dennen - The One Who Loves You the Most


Brett Dennen is good, his problem is that most of his songs have the same tone, although with good lyrics. I just hate the lack of creativity!
Anyhow, good song; one of the songs on my list of "I Wish He Sings Me This". He = the future love of my life. I've had this list for a while, for years and years on my head only... Everytime I heard a good love song, I wished he would sing it to me, TO ME, not to just sing it in front of me, sing it truely for this girl; oh Dear!!.

So anyhow, it's the weekend, I actually have plans! You'd think I'm in a better mood, but I am not! Wow, huh?
I'm going to a little place with a swimming pool and grass and bugs and maybe frogs; I hate grass, bugs and frogs. But I do love swimming; if I had a swimming pool in my house, I'd live in it!I'm going with the family, a sudden plan made by yours truely, and it's going to be a whole day. Yep, I love swimming; it's one of my favorite exhausting activities; next to shopping.


Friday I will visit a friend who slipped at work and broke her nose and her leg as well; she's been on sick leave for a couple of weeks now, and she's staying home for the next month as well. Well, not home exactly, she is going to travel to... somewhere.

This might seem like the typical weekend that I would usually have as the old happy bubbly ohDear!! but it hardly is; the mood is not there at all. It is like, I am doing this in a very mechanical fashion. I like to swim, will do it. I need to visit my friend against my will because she's upset that I didn't leave my whole life and misery behind my back and come to support her at her house during her recovery, so I'm doing it.

And I'm not happy about the visit, because I really wanted to visit her, but I'm in a totally bad shape. She doesn't really think of me, she thinks of herself. She wants me to come pamper her; she told me that she's really bored too. She said that all her friends visited her except for "you guys" (me and our two other mutual friends from work; we're besties), although I am almost certain that no one from work visited her at all. And I'm not happy with the way she's acting, as soon as I heard about it, I called her and I spoke to her and I was really hurt for her. But it's not enough! And it isn't like we didn't try to visit her, I mean, we only planned this visit with her twice and she cancelled it, again, TWICE for other important plans (laser appointment, and then a night out with her other friends; but hey, her cancelling on us isn't really something new, she always does this, so you'd think we would have gotten used to it by now; nope)! But anyways, I still need to baby sit her for a couple of hours, so that she would feel supported. Doesn't matter how I'm feeling. Friends come first. It isn't like my life is over, right? I mean, even though it feel like I'm dying, I still have to take care of my friends, right?

"F" selfish friends.

Strong but Needy

First, you gotta know that I'm really hooked to this song, I've been listening to it all week. And even when I'm not listening to it, I am going through the lyrics in my head. Is that an obsession?

*Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess


Now... Read...

I'm still unhappy. My life isn't easy right now.
Sometimes I wake up and I feel like, okay, today can't be that bad; some other times I wake up and I feel like I'm expecting yet another bad thing to happen to me!

I go to work hoping that I get so busy that I forget my mother's milk (already forgotten, but, ya know!). Last last night, I read the little handbook that boss gave my colleague a few days before; it was about the basics of time management, and it helped me feel less helpless about the tasks that I didn't have enough concentration to know where to start from. I always have a to-do list every single day, but I learned how to prioritize tasks the best way to get them done. I wrote the team's priorities on the whiteboard in our office, and started from there. It was easier to assign people this way, and at the same time, my office-mates are reminded of their tasks everytime they head to the door (or think of scribbling on the whiteboard); which creates positive stress, because I also put my tasks and I keep updating them, and I do progress and write notes and stuff; and I know that they don't want to look bad.
It also shows them, and myself, how much work we are dying to finish so that we can start with the work that we are putting off.

I am trying to not work unpaid overtime like I like to do, (yes, I actually love my job!!) because mom wants me to come back home early; but it seems that rediculous things keep happening just to keep me there until it's late!
Once, boss locked me in and went home, and it took me some time to open the door. Today, we had a very important visitor who came to meet with the whole section, and the meeting extended to half an hour after hours. Moreover, a friend of mine is having driver trouble and I'm taking her occassionaly with me. And most streets on the road back home are on a year round maintenance; one opens only for the other one to get closed! And I'm always late.

Today, one of my colleagues in the section stopped me midway between buildings to talk to me, it was 2 pm, the sun was so hot, we stood under the shade of a tree. He wanted to tell me that he's been through what I'm going through, and that he thought that the world had ended when his relationship with his ex-wife ended. But after three years, he got married to an "adameyah" (a human being) that made him full of pitty for every single minute he didn't spend with her. I got his message, and I explained to him that I am not feeling this way because of my break up, it might be the obvious stressor, but I am okay with it, and I really do have a lot more going on. I told him, and he still wanted to make me feel better. I thanked him a lot, it was really nice of him to stop me and talk to me. He said he didn't want to see an ohDear!! that is so different from the one he knew in a negative way, and he said he wanted me to know that I have a brother.

I respect this guy, and his lovely wife who came once to our office with his gorgeous little daughter. His wife oozes with kidness, and his duaghter; I thought that she's a yummy piece of brownies! Not just because she was chocolate-dark, but, I felt that it must be that she will grow up to be as sweet as her mother seemed to be.

I know, life is sweet and bitter, but I'm just tired right now. I wish I wasn't, but I am. I just need a change of air, and what is stressing me is that I cannot have it. I hope I didn't depress you bloggers? Sorry...

I am BITTER!!

• I am bitter.
• I am depressed. Not important why, but everything is NOT going well... No, let's be more precise; NOTHING IS GOING WELL and every door I try to open, slams in my face. And now, I am supposed to "change myself" to suit "the society". Hate the society. Hate the alien that I'm supposed to be.
• Certain people make me angry, other certain people overwhelm me, and other other certain people leave me so lonely at a difficult time. I truly expected more.
• It isn't that I am just depressed, I have NEVER been this depressed. I am miserable. Miserable I tell ya, miserable! The kinda misery that keeps you in bed ALL DAY, in the dark, crying as loud as you can and uncontrollably like a kid. I remembered when I was five and when I cried uncontrollably, and I got tired and I just couldn't stop. Mom snapped at me because it went too long and I said "I can't stop" between breaths. It happened again, I could not stop the weeping.
• I have been on my bed for three days. I think.
• Sisters called me, I ignored them. My brother came and talked to me a few times. Yes, it is that bad.
• So, I spent a lot of time alone, I embraced depression. And I watched the whole third season of Ugly Betty. They did not have to kill Molly on the last episode :(... Can't they see that Daniel truely loved her? *sniff sniff* .. She was the one! She was THE ONE! She turned him into a tolerable guy!! And did they need to do it while he was receiving his award? Does he really need that kind of guilt? God! Those writers are heartless!! Did they really have to keep them apart on her last hours? That was SO HARSH! I am so angry :(
• Is it so wrong if I didn't want to go to a wedding right now? Why are people acting as though I should "have fun" and "enjoy my life" and "forget about everything" by going to a wedding?! Really? Going to a wedding, huh?!! Isn't it like totally rubbing it in my face? Yes, I think I did the right thing by breaking up the engagement, but I did want to be married, and now I am not! I was damn ready. I think I have all the right to be bitter about that too! I'm not going to weddings until I am ready. I dragged myself to my cousin's wedding in the split second that I wasn't feeling very miserable. But that was my cousin's wedding, I'm not going anywhere until I feel ready. Yes, I will cry as much as I want. Don't care. No weddings for me, till I say so.
• I am also bitter about.. well, I stopped reading my BFF's email, she was telling me about how much fun she had in Vegas, and then about her surprise birthday party that her husband threw for her. I got bitter and I stopped reading. I am sitting weeping all day, feeling alone, and bitter, and angry, and depressed, and bitter... I'm sorry, I just can't handle her adorable stories right now.. I soooo miss Momo though! :( Wanna kiss him so much so much! He's such a cute yummy kid! He started walking and blabbering, and I was pissed at him when I saw the videos! He should have done that while they were on their vacation in KSA...
• That's it.. Have nothing else to say...

* Linkin Park - Bleed It Out


uffff..

the "Beautiful" & the "Handsome" (yum!)

*Alicia Keys & Alejandro Sanz - Looking for Paradise
By the way, that's my ring tone ^^,


I worked with Sharon for a couple of months and then she left the place. We became friends quickly. She is much older than I, but she is so cool! Me and this blondie sometimes would stand in a very inappropriately relaxed pose, in the middle of the crowded work place, leaning to a wall and just talk! Gossip too!.. Sometimes she tends to speak too quickly in her Welishy accent, and I ask her to repeat. No shame in repeating :p she said "we actually have our own language in Wails" and "if I really speak in my accent, you wouldn't understand a word!" -and she meant English, not Welish!!

She's still working in KSA, and we're still pals, mostly online. She's a sweet, sweet lady, and she is trying to fix me up with her "handsome" and "fit" husband's friend from work! He plays football and his name is **** and this is his number **********!!
She will send me a picture and wants to know if she can give him my number!! So sweet of Sharon and her husband (which I consider my friend too, because she loves him a lot and she introduced me to him once when he came to pick her up from work, and he cooks her dinner and asks her what she wants to eat tonight ;) and girls, you know that men who cook for the lady are sexay!).

I'm gonna send her back that it's too soon for me... Even though, *reconsiders* hmmm.. Football player, fit, handsome.. I bet he plays football in shorts, and... shirtless!! God knows why, but damn it he does! And he must be tanned, because he plays under the sun.. Yeah that's why he plays shirtless, the sun is too hot and he sweats, sweat drops falling down to his tummy.. tummy.. *whispers: tummyyyy*... Hmmm, do you think when she said "fit", she actually meant "muscular"? Y3ni is he fit chest-wise, biceps-wise too? Because he should! His arms must be so strong... His legs too from all that running around..

*forgets she's blogging and a drop of drool reaches the floor*

Ok, ok JUST KIDDING :p it's too soon, thanks Sharon and her husband :) you're totally sweet :* but it's not the time.. I just don't want anyone new right now!

The Way I Feel at Weddings

It's 2:20 AM and I'm still at the wedding hall; it's my cousin's wedding. My cousin and I were best friends as teenagers, and it was great! We were also neighbors, and she used to send me letters with her little sister like "come to my house, it's URGETNT!" and I'd go to her place wondering about the urgent thing that cannot be said on the phone, and when I get there, she laughs and it turns out that she is bored and too lazy to talk on the phone and try to convince me to come over.

So the the thing is, you know how weddings make you feel extra SINGLE if you are, and extra ALONE, especially when everything is done, and the bride and groom are looking so happy leaving the hall, the celebration, the dancing, the noise and all the guests; hand in hand or in each other's arms, going to their own new home where they will build a life of love, problems, and eventually: forgiveness.. You know that feeling? That is how weddings make me feel...

And it made me sad tonight that I was almost married a couple of months ago; I was almost going to make that exit that I always saw at weddings and always wished that when I get married, on my wedding, I do it while feeling like there is nothing in the world more correct than this. It made me sad when I realized that I don't feel that way about my fiance, that if I make that exit with him, I'd be lying to myself and to him and to our families and to all the guests at our wedding, and to every single person that would congratulate me.

I wasn't happy with him, and although we bought the furniture for the apartment, and I started to organize the dishes and the stupid stuff that I bought for our the kitchen; I wasn't really feeling that I want to live there. One afternoon, I was alone with him in the apartment after we brought some stuff and some groceries, we spend some time there trying to watch a movie, and again, I realized that... no, I don't want to LIVE with him ALONE just the two of us, forEVER!

He is not a bad person, he was okay and he said that he always loved me. He started trying to make things work after a while, but I could not get over his flaws; for one, he would rather watch football than spend time with me, even though I cried so much about it. As I said, he was trying, and when he changed that one thing about him, and it was a huge issue; it was too late! I had already stopped loving him. I was wishing and waiting for him to fall in love with me; I hoped for that with all my heart. It didn't happen.

So, it is sad. And I didn't plan or want all this to happen, I'm now legally "divorced", who would want that? Who wouldn't want to live with someone else and make him/her happy? Who wouldn't want to have the real "exit" moment? But it happened, and we broke up.

The bride's sister, my cousin, sat with me after the wedding "how are you?" And "How are you handling it?" And "We were really stressed out about it, and we really felt for you".. She hugged me and kissed me and she told me that she knew that this is happening for a while (his niece is her friend and she told her), and she was worried about me for a while. It is God's willing, "qisma wa naseeb".. That is what she kept saying.

It would be the most beautiful part of my wedding, making that exit with real true feelings.

*Jason Mraz - Details in The Fabric



Xx

On My Way

I reported stalked #2 to boss, boss to his boss, and boss's boss's boss also knew. Boss's boss did everything. (I should give them names!! :p).. Anyhow, we discussed me and Boss's boss the best way to deal with it; he investigated with the legal affairs on how much we'd gain from filing a case (not much for now, since I don't have a physical evidence or a witness); versus solving it in words and giving him a chance to apologize. We did the latter because we knew he'd deny and the case would be closed.

He apologized, it wasn't a nice situation at all, sitting in front of boss's boss, stalker #2 and his boss, and repeating what happened.. My face was getting hotter and hotter, I felt that my face was as red as the scarf that I was wearing, which was pretty much RED!

Anyhow, it finished, done, ended. Now I know that some guys are sick, and a girl really needs to make her smile and natural behavior exclusive, don't show it to just anyone..

So, I don't have much time to get online and blog, I'm on my way to work now as I'm typing this (thanks BlackBerry!).. So, excuse me if I don't reply to your comments or read your blogs. I will come back!

I'm so into "More Than Words" by "Extreme"..


I started looking for universities for my masters; there is no way that I can go without a scholarship in 2010, I just can't afford it (did my calculation). I can pay the university fees and maybe the housing, but I can't pay for anything else!
I spoke to someone from the academic affairs, she gave me a brief description of the sponsoring process and whom should I contact and what I should prepare. It's a long process, pray for me from the bottom of your heart! Scratch that, from the bottom of your stomach, or even from the bottom of your ass! PRAY for me guys, come on! Go ahead, show me the good prayers *puppy smile, trying to get your prayers" :p

Hmm, puppy smile? Puppy eyes, would that work with Arabs? I don't really think we're puppy people, I can't resist tiny kittens though..

Ok I started to just say things randomly :/
Yalla see you in my next car ride :p

XxX

Malat!!

Pervert #1: He was a stalker; sent me a few emails to my work email. We still don't know who he is, although I have a certain suspect. We traced his IP address, but after a while we decided that finding out who this ****** is probably not worth the trouble. A) because he stopped sending after we changed my email and B) because we don't have time and C) as long as he is not from work (which is something we are almost sure of), then it won't be of any use knowing him.

Pervert #2 NEW: He was flirting in the face saying let's do it. Can't get more retarted. And I didn't expect this amount of retardation from an American, but I guess elta5alluf is everywhere, and depending on the location of your brain. Because some people have brains in their skulls, while others have them in their penises.

Scuze me.

For #2, that was the excuse actually; that he came from Georgia, and people from Georgia aren't all educated, and it is his first time on a plane, and his first time to Saudi.
Wallahi I don't care! That is not a good enough excuse, he should know the difference between being friendly, joking, flirting, and sexual harrassment.

Now, I won't go into details, not to protect their privacy, but because I'm angry. I am angry that guys can get really... *#$!@@*^%$! And I am also angry at myself for always smiling always laughing. I need to be more professional and less casual. I don't need to be myself at work, I need to be myself with myself, at home, with friends, with family... in other words, in my personal life.

I'm so angry!
Ufffff!!
Uf
Uf
Ufffffffffffffffff!

All I can say is: malat 3ala some stupid cows!

On the Radio!!

*Regina Spektor - On the Radio


Silly video, but great song!


This is how it works: it feels a little worse, then when we drove our hearse, right through that screaming crowed, while laughing up a storm, until we were just bone, until it got so warm.. that none of us could sleep.. And all the styrofoam began to melt away. We tried to find some worms to aid in the decay, but none of them were home inside their catacomb. A million ancient bees began to sting our knees. While we were on our knees, praying that disease would leave the ones we love, and never come again; on the radio, we heard November Rain! That solo's really long, but it's a pretty song. We listened to it twice, 'cause the DJ was asleep! :)

This is how it works: you're young until you're not! You love until you don't! You try until you can't! You laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh. And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.

No, this is how it works: you peer inside yourself; you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made and stick it into some... Someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm you hope it don't get hard, but even if it does; you'll just do it all again...

And on the radio, you hear November Rain! That solo's awful long, but it's a good refrain... You listen to it twice 'cause the DJ is asleep.. On the radio.. On the radio.. On the radio uh oh, on the radio uh oh...

On the radio!

~~~~

Wallahi I'm so tired! Me and J upgraded our workout to 2 hours! Ha ha!! :p And that is why, come 10 PM we are exhausted and want to sleep.. But we don't!
The instructor is good, and the workouts are cool... I discovered some "new" muscles in my butt! What a wonderful discovery :) I'm so gonna use those muscles from now on!!

My muscles are so short and so stiff, and I hate it, I want to stretch all the way, and I want to be able to carry stuff and open stuff and be tough :p ~love the rhyming!!

So anyhow, will see ya when I'm not so tired..

*Whispers: bloggers, miss you! :)*

I Went to the Gym

I went to the gym at work today. I didn't know it was THIS cool!! The place is quiet, good air conditioning, A LOT of actually working machines, a good space for the instructor class, and a lot of mirrors. I was also impressed by the sound system, I took my laptop with me to do my yoga from the DVD, and the instructor connected my laptop to the sound system and there we were, me and J and a lady that thought yoga was easy and then left half way, saying that it is not really good to do those workouts without a real instructor next to you so that you do not injure yourself :p

I'm doing 10 minutes warming up, and then 20 minutes yoga (I told J that no matter how hard she tries to change my mind off yoga, she won't succeed because I need yoga, I have "special circumstances" that need getting high -legally- :p), 10 minutes cardio and 10 minutes strength. Finally 10 minutes cooling down.

I am starting with this and inshallah building it up gradually. I don't care if I work out 2 hours a day; I have nothing better to do, and I just LOVE working out. I want to be ohDearlicious!! :p Which reminds me of this song.. :D

*Fergie - Fergalicious


Hmmm aaanyways, I also need to eat healthy, for me that is the most difficult part!

- Reduce the amount of salt.
- At least one large bottle of water a day.
- Limit mayo and buttery sauces and spreads.
- Low fat milk in coffee (and everything, I hate full fat anyway).
- Never use regular sugar (love the taste of sugar substitute, plus it melts right away!).
- Nothing should be fried (come on, except occassionally!! ;) )
- More protein, less starch.
- Mandatory: 1 kind of fruit/veggies per day.
- Breakfast everyday.
- Limit trips to Baskin Robin's and Krispy Kreme.
- Split a meal and a salad with someone in restaurants instead of eating the whole thing.

Hmmm, any health advice you have for me?
Thanks! :)

Birthday

I hate that I don't have time to blog until the weekend! Uffff!!
And it was a long week; I have been covering for boss since Sunday, he said he might come back on Wednesday but I told him he shouldn't come. Anyhow, he went abroad for an exam and I can't wait for him to come back on Saturday to know how he did! He was so frustrated the last time.
So he gave me a lot of tasks, I wasn't in the mood to work. Not only that, my mind was preoccupied by you-know-what, and it isn't that I am unable to concentrate, it is like my mind is completely blank that there is nothing to concentrate on!

Feeling low and totally distracted, I tried to push myself because I didn't want to disappoint boss; he trusts me on directing the section while he's gone, but he knows I can't do everything because I don't have enough experience. I held the section meeting on Wednesday, it was the first time that I hold a big weekly meeting! I was afraid that I'd flunk, but it wasn't that bad. It was okay actually!

I hate blogging about work.

So on Wednesday too, me and J my friend from the office went to the supermarket -not that we needed to buy anything- and I saw this pack of birthday cake candles..
Me: J, I want candles.
J: Why?
Me: I like them! ... *shy* ... should I buy them?
J: Yeah why not.
Me: Let's do a birthday!
J: lol!

And then we bought a carton packed chocolate cake, chocolate cream, and balloons. Then I saw candles with numbers and I really wanted to have them! There was 7, 8, and 9; and I couldn't decide on which number (I liked the clown on the 8 more though), I put the 8 and 9 in the basket while we're talking and I bought them both by mistake.
We continued shopping and we agreed to have the birthday between 2 and 3 pm because she had a meeting at 3 pm.

So at 2 pm, we're in my office, J's friend K joined us and she had lunch while me and J were preparing for the birthday. Birthday cake looked yummy after we covered it with the chocolate cream, and it was yum! We covered the cake with candles and prepared the balloons. I decorated the place with the multicolored magnets that I use at the office, and the chocolate mini's that I keep in a bowl at my desk (for decoration, and occassional mood lifting!).

The result:

We turned off the lights, lit the candles, put on music, and we started singing: happy biiiiiirth day to youuuu .. happy biiiiiirth day to youuuuu ... etc

And then, sana heeeelwa ya gameeeel! sana heeeelwa ya gameeeel ...

Finished singing,

K: *interrupting* kil sana wenti 6ayba J!! Kil sana wenti 6ayba ohDear!!
J and Me: Kil sana wenti 6aybaaaa LOL
Me: Okay, okay, let's make a wish!
J and K: Yalla!!
Me: Yaaa rub nsaaafir :p (I wish we travel!!)
J: *excited* yaaa rub asafir la7ali!! (I wish I travel on my own! -I'm guessing she means without her family?!)
K: Ya rub nsafir kilna.. m3 ba3'9 (I wish we travel together!)
Me: Yes, yes! I wish we travel.. and we lose it just a tiiiiiiiny little teeny weeny bit...
J: Yes, juuuust a tiiiiny little teensy weensy itsy bitsy bit.. *thinks for a second*... NO, NO! We will be excited and excited in losing it big time, if you please ohDear!! :p
K: We'll do just a few stuff... *innocent giggle*
J: Okay, okay..
Me: Are we going to... *I said something I don't want you to know :p*
K: We'll try it once!
J: Yes we just want to know what happens there... We'll just look and see!! :p
*giggles*
Me: Okay.. Hmmm.. Let's blow the candles now.. 1.. 2 ..3
We blew the candles and then heeeeeeeh followed by claping and laughter at ourselves!!

It was so silly, we ate the cake and enjoyed our time until it was 3 pm, and J was late for her meeting. It was so cool that we did this, and in case you're wondering whose birthday it was, hmmm it wasn't anybody's :p
After that I was catching up on work like crazy...

*Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten


I'm really trying to have the optimistic it's-a-new-day attitude that Natasha is singing, but it is difficult right now when you-know-what is so recent. Actually it was only Tuesday. Can't blame me!

Anyhow, cheers :)

Marital Status

I am single.

Just This! ♥

Hello...

Last week was tiring, I didn't have the chance to tell you what happened on Friday! I don't want to write a long post, so I'm just going to show you some random pictures from my phone and my camera :)

A lovely song that makes me feel good even though life isn't being good to me :( ...
*Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On


Let's start with this one, this is when I first met S; S is my BFF's flat-mate's daughter. She's 10 years old and quite talkative. It was almost midnight when she brought her toys to show them to me, she brought this kitten and I was like "hey that matches my PJ's :p" .. I think that was the moment when she fell in love with me (when I started acting like a kid :pP)...

Later, on Friday, me, my sisters and my friend M changed S's name to "Shantelle", because we just did her hair in a curly side bun, and her being dark and pretty; we had this conversation:

Me: Don't you feel that with this hair, S's name is.. "Natasha"?

Sis: * laughs* Hmmm, no I think she's... "Shanikwa" (dunno where she got that from :p)

Me: No babe! She's a total "Shantelle"! She could go "hey am Shantelle.. Shantelle, Shantelle" .. *snap fingers as I repeat the name*

So we called her Shantelle for the rest of our stay there :) she liked it!!

***

And this is our breakfast in King Khaled airport, I had orange juice, tuna sandwich and cold coffee (you notice I have a very healthy appetite! I was hungry and I had to go back to work on the same day! -arrived at noon). M got a hot cappuccino and she got a heart! I ♥ hearts on my coffee! :D

***

I took this picture as a joke, I don't remember the restuarant, I think it's Bet Altanoor in Khobar. They serve soups/thongs :)

***

A "part" of a lunch I had in Carlton Al-Moaibed Hotel, I was excited about the shrimpaya (love shrimp! ♥)

Why do girls take pictures of their food? :p

***

The swimming pool in Carlton Almoaibed hotel looks so inviting!

♥ swimming :)

***

Finally, a not so glamorous photo!

Last Tuesday, I was visited by two students that had summer training in the section I was heading at the time (boss was on leave), and they stayed with me most of the time. So anyhow, one of them was telling me that she just cleaned her room and she found really old stuff that go as far as 9 years back!! I told her, "but you can't beat what I found in my room once when I cleaned!!"

Heheeee :D

***

Hmmm and that's it! Next time I bog, I will tell you the story of "pervert".. that's one of many nicknames that he got in the last three days!!

Cio!

"Riyadh Vacation" :p Thursday

*Pink - So What


I arrived at King Khalid airport in Riyadh at 7:15 pm on Wed, got to my friend's (my BFF) apartment at around 8:15 pm. BFF came from work very late, at around 11 pm. Me and BFF slept very late that night because as my sisters slept, we kept talking in the dark till 3 am. Next day (Thursday), BFF had to work again till 5 pm.
I woke up at noon, and I called my friend M who came to Riyadh on a recreational trip (!) organized by the recreation guy at work for the weekend, and we went out for lunch.

We ate at a chinese Restaurant called "Diamond" in Localized shopping mall; I just loved the place and I enjoyed the meal. We ordered the "Diamond shampagne" just for fun, which is like a huge pipe that stands vertically on your table, with a faucet (LOL!!) from which the waiter kept our glasses full! I think it contained something like 2 liters of Saudi shampagne, and we left more or less a third of a liter.
I loved Diamond, and I always ignored chopsticks and ate with knife and fork until today! :p waiter said I was doing it right :)

Appetizers

Main Dishes

 Plain rice! I needed this because the food was spicy, and it cooled things down :)

The Diamond Champage tower!!

This is one of the other tables in Diamond, it's so dark with a spot of light on the center of the table, cool!

 

That's me chopsticking! Awful pic, was taking it with my other hand (doesn't this picture kinda makes you feel that I had nothing better to do? *which was true* LOL)

Then we spent the whole day shopping, we visited three different shopping malls, and we didn't buy much. Just a few pieces all together. We also ran into recreation guy and his group from work in one of the malls, recreation guy seemed thrilled to see me; we were in a five days course last week together and I think he feels like he "knows me" now :p whatever..

Later, BFF joined us and we went to dinner in Copper Chandni, which wasn't a big deal because all Indian restaurants seem to serve the same foods with slightly different levels of spiciness.
One of the waiters had a crush on BFF and he almost wanted to sit with us! He kept coming and going and constantly asking if we "needed anything" :p.. He looked anxious when he brought in the bill, and he was shaking when I paid the bill and he brought my CC back; he just stood there as me and the girls were talking.. Just looking at us as though he was supposed to be there. I asked him if he needed anything and he made some incomprehensible sounds and he pointed at BFF. It was so rediculous how many "get lost, go out, go away" hints we gave him, but he just stood there staring at BFF looking anxious!! We really tried to hold it in until he left and as soon as that happened, we cracked up! Stomach hurt so much!! :D We think he was waiting for her number or something! WTF!!??

Samosa was my favorite dish in Copper Chandni, I like Indian food, but I guess I just got bored!!

Later, M ordered us all to have dessert in Chilli's because she was craving that nutty, overly sweet pie thing dessert that I don't like and I honestly forgot it's name; I, on the other hand, was and will always be (I think) loyal to the good old MoLteN CaKe! M said she doesn't like it!! Who doesn't like Chilli's MC!! Come on! :/
Surprisingly, Khobar Chilli's make a bigger cake (and more sauce) than Riyadh's, that is good news for me ;)

We commuted by taxis, and I notice that I started to know my way around *bows as you clap*.. And it was hilarious how each time we wanted to go somewhere, we'd stop a taxi and try to figure out how to stuff the five of us in one cab, we were very creative I'm telling ya! But we did use two taxis twice!
There isn't much to do in Riyadh other than shopping and dining really, the girls want to go play on Star City tomorrow. We'll see...

Hmmm, yes, I think it was a good idea coming to Riyadh, it definitely took my mind off of you-know-what, and I feel good hanging with friends.
Next trip on the agenda: ... hmmm, better not jinx it by talking about it :p

Eid Vacation: See Ya!!

Before I say anything, I'd like to thank bloggers who gave me some of their time to vote and comment ♥, thanks! For bloggers who did not vote yet, please do! I'd appreciate it :)

Now let me say something...

Have you heard of what happened in Khobar last Wedensday? Our beloved Saudi youth was celebrating the national day with breaking shop and restaurant windows and crashing the places in Khobar courniche!! I did not see it myself because -being wise and all- I decided that NOTHING will take me to Khobar on the national day/night. So if you didn't see it in action or on youtube yet; here goes, check it out if you didn't, girls dancing (lol), breaking restaurants, and finally, the next morning -looks like Khobar had a bad hangover :p!!

All I want to say about this is that it doesn't matter if those "youth" were from Riyadh, Eastern province, Sunnis, or Shiits; they are all Saudis, which is something that unites all (surprise, surprise!!) And after this, I'd ban the national day, you see I'm very strict with young people :p. And I wonder, isn't this a bid3a willa it's just Valentine's? =/

Hmmm, I have no more political issues to discuss.

Yeah and I want to lose weight, started with Yoga and man you sweat and it hurts!! But anyhow I couldn't resist passing by Krispy Kreme last night intending to buy coffee -but got a doughnut too! And look at my coffee with ♥ hearts ♥! The guy made me happy.. it was the highlight of my weekend.. pathetic, I know...

Yeah and here's your song

*The Faders - No Sleep Tonight

 See ya...

OMG!

OhMyGod!!

1. I AM GOING TO BECOME SINGLE IN A WEEK OR SO!!
2. I AM GOING TO - ok this is not as serious, no need for the caps!! I'm going to spend next weekend with my friend in Riyadh. Just wanna spend a little time away from home and with a friend. Already booked the flight.
3. ... nothing else..!!

Actually the "OMG" thing was related to number one only; nothing else that's serious is going on in my life. Although I am feeling very confused, because I am thinking of making serious decisions very soon. Life changing decisions. Scare-the-shit-out-of-you decisions. Wait, that was such a stinky thing for a lady to say.
I'm not going to talk about those things, not to anyone; because I always talk about those things and I jinx the plans. Like the London trip. I kinda feel that I'm already jinxing my secret scare-the-shit-out-of-you decisions... I should probably stop talking about them.. Okay, deep breath.. Positive thinking...

Ok, changing the subject.

Let's start with this hot hot hot song! Very cool sexy lyrics ;) Awoooo :p

* Shakira - She Wolf

Now that you're in the mood, READ! :p

So I'm reading this very interesting book -Love, Rosie! There is no actual story telling; the author, Cecilia Ahern, made it as though you are reading letters; Rosie sends Alex a note at school to invite him to her 7th birthday party, he replies, she replies, they make fun of the teacher Ms. Casey, Ms. Casey sends a letter to Alex's mom... And that is just how the book starts. Their letters from when they were little cracked me up -check this out and see what I mean- but then when things started to happen and ohh the drama!

I've only finished part one, and through letters, postcards, text messages, and instant messaging, Cecilia successfuly hooked me to the exciting events!  Sometimes it broke my heart how Rosie was frustrated.

Rosie is 25 years old by the end of part one. I can't wait to know how things will turn out, I kind of feel for her because she's been having a crush on Alex, but she didn't realize this until he moved away. Now you'd think that I have "burnt" the story in part one, no babes, I didn't :p You can still read it and enjoy it and thank me later. Okay thank me as soon as you start liking the book!

I think Cecilia is smart because in her book she is pressing on the lagafa curiousity nerve :p you are actually reading letters and private conversations, yeah, exciting ;)

Eid!! :)

It's Eid. Been a hard Ramadan, not physically, rather emotionally. I was preoccupied the whole month.. waiting, thinking, hoping, missing, problem solving, hair falling... I know I need some time off, but I don't think I'll get it soon...

So, it's Eid, finally! I didn't buy any new clothes for eid, I just have new hair pins and stuff like that :) I also have new shoes, not sure if I'll wear them!
Maybe if I listen to new songs? :p

I don't have plans for Eid, which is ordinary. I don't usually have plans on Eid, my family doesn't know plans. We make plans only to break them.. much like rules at our house too :p .. We have imaginary rules, yes, but plans.. never!! One Eid, we made a plan, and when we looked at the mirror, no one could recognize himself!! We had to cancel it... I'm not kidding... that's my house :)

Fun!!

So anyhow, what I wanted to say was, Eid mubarak everyone :)

*Jem - Just A Ride

Away

*Alicia Keys - Superwoman


I'm seriously thinking of living alone -without my family- for a while. I want to work and study somewhere in the world at least for a year, if I like it, I might just do that for the rest of my life, and it'd be my thing.
But I'm afraid that these thoughts are in my head only because of what I'm going through; I mean I may not be thinking straight, maybe I'm exaggerating and making premature decisions.
Or maybe, this is just what I need...

Love the song... :)

It Hurts

Awal shi play the song, then read :p
Enjoy Natasha Bedingfield ft. Sean Kingston - Love Like This


I came back from work and I slept because I didn't sleep at all last night. Someone suggested that it was because of the 7 cups of tea that I had during the night, I dunno!! *shrugs innocently*

So I woke up, I ate and sat with my family. It wasn't long before I went back to my bed; I had a HUGE headache, my whole body hurt. So I took Panadol and lay down. And the thinking began...

From my soon to be ex-fiance, to my family's feeling about the breakup, to how my life would be after all this finishes...
I thought about all my relationships; all my friends that had an impact on my life, my deceased friend and how much she loved me, and how my sister saved my life twice (once in a swimming pool, and the second time was now when she made me involve my family in my breakup).

But I know why I have a headache, it is not the tea; it is because I am a teeth grinder, and when I get anxious it becomes so bad I clench on my teeth day and night and it ends up with a headache, and yes, body pain.

I look nothing like my mother, but worry is the only thing that she gave me in the genes, thanks mom!

A Bad Cuppa Tee

Today I woke up at noon, which was wonderful, especially that I have been having a corrupted sleeping pattern for the last three weeks; and I spent my day just chillaxing until Maghrib prayer, after that I had a really tasty iftar. Everything was nice and beautiful.

But just then, things started to turn sour!!

I had plans to go out and take care of some hanging business, do a few tasks and grocery shop tonight... But I had to cancel that!
I heard from my friend bad news about our London trip, and apparently, we'll probably have to cancel the trip!!.. I NEED that trip.. :(
Then my sisters came over with their daughters and I was preoccupied with the London thing, that and the fact that am missing Mo like CraZy, so I really couldn't enjoy my time...

And then I wanted to make tea with mint, enjoy a few cups to loosen up and relax dima'3i (or, in a funkier language, agannid rasi!!), I was doing my niece's fingernails when I asked my other niece to fill the water boiler for me, and when I was ready to start making my magic tea, I find her and her little sister already done it.

And they ruined it!! I am bad at making tea, I know, but I love MY TEA, moreover I WANT my tea, and I was LOOKING FORWARD for the overdone mint in my candy-sweet tea.
They put too little mint, used regular sugar, which I hate!! (I like the taste of artificial sweetener!!), and they started pouring it too early...

So, in summary, I cancelled plans, they ruined my tea, tiny chance I'm going with my friend on a trip, and I MISS Mo LIKE NUTS..

Tomorrow better be good! I demand that someone makes this up to me, someone has got to!!

Missing!!

You know what bugs me?
When I first joined blogger (the first time), I had Saudi blogger friends. Now, they all disappeared.. I can't find Saudi bloggers anywhere?!

Where are the Saudi bloggers?!

Excited!!

I have a secret...

I am planning a trip to London with my friend, just the two of us. We'll stay in her friend's house. Her friend, who is living there now, swore that we stay with her in her home! Which is lovely, because both of us can't really afford to pay all the expenses; it'd leave me so poor next month especially that I'm going to give back a dowry, and I've spent a lot on a wedding that didn't happen :)

It will be a lot of fun, we're so excited because we both just got out of relationships; we need this dammit!

We spent hours and hours at work today dream-talking about it, we set a date and then we went to the airlines office and asked about the ticket prices. Back to the office to check on online prices while she's talking to her father's contacts to see if we could find something cheap somewhere somehow (she was successful after talking to three people!!), during that time I was online looking at hotels while we're waiting for her friend to reply on whether we can stay at her place there or not.. And you already know the result of that ;)

Why is it a secret? Because mom would never let me go if she knew that it is a trip to London just for fun, mom is overprotective! My friend's mom on the other hand said: "Go and have fun!!", moreover, she's thinking of joining us "if it gets into her mood, although she's not so crazy about London"!

~Of course my friend told her mom that it's a business trip too, not just for fun!!

Yes I will lie to mom, but... ummm,... what's my excuse again?

:)

How exciting it is to come back! I've missed this place... :)