Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Strong but Needy

First, you gotta know that I'm really hooked to this song, I've been listening to it all week. And even when I'm not listening to it, I am going through the lyrics in my head. Is that an obsession?

*Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess

Now... Read...

I'm still unhappy. My life isn't easy right now.
Sometimes I wake up and I feel like, okay, today can't be that bad; some other times I wake up and I feel like I'm expecting yet another bad thing to happen to me!

I go to work hoping that I get so busy that I forget my mother's milk (already forgotten, but, ya know!). Last last night, I read the little handbook that boss gave my colleague a few days before; it was about the basics of time management, and it helped me feel less helpless about the tasks that I didn't have enough concentration to know where to start from. I always have a to-do list every single day, but I learned how to prioritize tasks the best way to get them done. I wrote the team's priorities on the whiteboard in our office, and started from there. It was easier to assign people this way, and at the same time, my office-mates are reminded of their tasks everytime they head to the door (or think of scribbling on the whiteboard); which creates positive stress, because I also put my tasks and I keep updating them, and I do progress and write notes and stuff; and I know that they don't want to look bad.
It also shows them, and myself, how much work we are dying to finish so that we can start with the work that we are putting off.

I am trying to not work unpaid overtime like I like to do, (yes, I actually love my job!!) because mom wants me to come back home early; but it seems that rediculous things keep happening just to keep me there until it's late!
Once, boss locked me in and went home, and it took me some time to open the door. Today, we had a very important visitor who came to meet with the whole section, and the meeting extended to half an hour after hours. Moreover, a friend of mine is having driver trouble and I'm taking her occassionaly with me. And most streets on the road back home are on a year round maintenance; one opens only for the other one to get closed! And I'm always late.

Today, one of my colleagues in the section stopped me midway between buildings to talk to me, it was 2 pm, the sun was so hot, we stood under the shade of a tree. He wanted to tell me that he's been through what I'm going through, and that he thought that the world had ended when his relationship with his ex-wife ended. But after three years, he got married to an "adameyah" (a human being) that made him full of pitty for every single minute he didn't spend with her. I got his message, and I explained to him that I am not feeling this way because of my break up, it might be the obvious stressor, but I am okay with it, and I really do have a lot more going on. I told him, and he still wanted to make me feel better. I thanked him a lot, it was really nice of him to stop me and talk to me. He said he didn't want to see an ohDear!! that is so different from the one he knew in a negative way, and he said he wanted me to know that I have a brother.

I respect this guy, and his lovely wife who came once to our office with his gorgeous little daughter. His wife oozes with kidness, and his duaghter; I thought that she's a yummy piece of brownies! Not just because she was chocolate-dark, but, I felt that it must be that she will grow up to be as sweet as her mother seemed to be.

I know, life is sweet and bitter, but I'm just tired right now. I wish I wasn't, but I am. I just need a change of air, and what is stressing me is that I cannot have it. I hope I didn't depress you bloggers? Sorry...

8 cool peeps replied:

MonMon ♛ said...

7abeebty enti klha fatra w t3dde w kl shay by9eer tmaam , try to hang out with ur friends much more even when u so deperesed 9adgenii bynfa3 w yroo7 3nk kl '6ygat il9adr w 7awlii ma tjlseen bl7alk ktheer 5a9ah w enti bel bait ,,allah kareem yhwen iljar7 ilaleem ;)

Anonymous said...

Sorry I'm unable to be there for you, wish I'm there to make you smile :) Babe listen, you will get over this depress mood soon, time will eventually heal :) Love you!

MuSe said...

no you didn't depress anyone, after all this is your place and you need to let it out. write more that may help get you out of what you have been . i am sure that it's a phase and things will be better, just keep smiling dear and remember you deserve the best in life including great feelings and happy times :)

ohDear!! said...

Aww babe thanks! You're so kind! I know, but it's so painful living in so much stress :( blogger is my biggest venting space.. here is my favorite place to whine!
~Allah kareem indeed :)

*hugs back**kisses back**shares cookies* :p
I will, I will, wallahi I will.. O Luv you sweetie

THANK YOU! Of course I will write more, cuz I have more... I'm not sure I deserve the best, but I do want the best. Thanks dear, that's so nice of you!

Jundi said...

well look .. as long as you know that this phase will pass and that it is just a normal part of the breakup process .. youre fine ..

if it makes you feel any better it once took me three years to get over a girl but i did it and here i am :D

Hadeel said...

I really like your blog !! and whatever you're going through inshalla everything will be okaay

ohDear!! said...

Quoting myself from post: "I got his message, and I explained to him that I am not feeling this way because of my break up, it might be the obvious stressor, but I am okay with it, and I really do have a lot more going on."
But thanks dude :)

Thanks! *shy*!!
Inshallah, that is what we are all hoping :)

Anonymous said...

To be honest, I didn't read the post because it sounds depressing and I'm semi-depressed to begin with, and I'm not in the mood to feel really sad.
That being said, I LOVE THE SONG. LOVE IT.
I went through the same phase, I used to listen to it 5/6 times in a row, and then sing it in my head afterwards.
Anyhow..I hope you feel better soon.

After the Kiss. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino