Sunday, November 22, 2009

Interesting Lunch

*David Guetta ft. Akon - Sexy Chick

I didn't have time to have lunch with my friend at work in the main dining because I was with boss listening to his diabolical plans to rule the section (well, he already is ruling it and doing a GREAT job!), so when we were done talking, the main dining was closed half an hour ago, so I decided to go to the coffee shop in the recreation center, which is right behind my office. I ordered a mixed veggie + pepperoni pizza with french fries and pepsi and I sat at a table. By the way, I don't usually eat that much fries, and I'm known for NOT drinking any kind of soda; but it was one of those days!

So anyhow, there is this swimming pool for males inside the recreation center, which is basically what you will be looking at when you're in the coffee shop. The coffee shop is in the first floor, and the whole wall that faces the pool is all glass, so you pretty much have a good view on the pool. It isn't much crowded usually, but every now and then a bunch of guys or a group of kids from the family housing go swimming in the afternoon.

So anyhow, I am waiting for my pizza, french fries and pepsi, and I notice a guy who looked absolutely lovely; tallish, good built, white skin, black hair, wearing shorts, a t-shirt and some sort of sneakers, holding a towel and heading to the pool. I got distracted with the waiter putting my pizza on the table and asking me if I needed anything else, I told him about my french fries and pepsi.
I had a piece of pizza as I relaxed leaning on the back of the chair, and then I turned to look at the swimming pool... I know what a good looking guy looks like, but I wanted to see how this good looking guy looks shirtless.. It was innocent, don't get me wrong, I am just feeding my curiosity!

So anyhow, I didn't get to see shirtless good looking guy, I thought he left the swimming pool.. But as I was almost done with my pizza, good looking guy reappears! Oh my god he was out of the pool, in his shorts, bare feet, towel wrapped around his shoulders as he was drying his body.
I was eager to see what was hidden under the towel, good looking guy was giving me his back... He lowered the towel to dry the lower parts of his body and I see....


Good looking guy with seriously hairy back!!
It was soooo WOW especially that he was white skinned and black haired, so, the contrast made it even worse!
It was so much hair that you could actually comb it and tie it. I imagined his back hair tied in multi-colored scrunchies.. Eww!!
Good looking guy with hairy back covered his back with the towel and headed back to a safe place (away from my view -or anyone else's!) to change his shorts and wear his t-shirt.
Maaaan! Good looking guy should really shave his back! This is why God made laser hair removal accessible!! :/
Oh well, so much for the single, curious life of girls!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Troubled Sleep

* Jem - Flying High

The most amazing lyrics! Love how it describes the dilemma!!

I didn't sleep last night, I was wide awake all night until it was 5:30 AM; I slept and I woke up after an hour, wide awake again but this time with a headache.

I was so tired the day before (Friday) and I didn't really sleep well on Friday night; it was the kinda sleep that you wake up every now and then and force yourself to go back to sleep...
I really wanted to have a lazy Friday and sleep again in the afternoon, especially that I spent Thursday swimming in the swimming pool for four hours and playing football! But I didn't, because I promised my friend to visit her, and so I did with my sister and another friend. She's now happy. Mission accomplished.

So today was okay, except that I felt myself approaching an extreme level of anxiety in the morning. Just like that, for no reason. Sometimes it happens to me and I don't know how to deal with it, it feels like an introduction to a panic attack, but I never reach there thanks God. I was in a meeting this morning, waiting silently and appearing to be very patient for my turn to give my update and leave the room; but inside me I felt that ohDear!! is shouting and wants to run so damn fast to burn all the energy until she (I) is exhausted. The thoughts in my head were racing and it could reach a point of me not keeping up with them, and when that happens I get really scared... I get terrified! I didn't reach that point today, but I could feel my heart beating so fast and my hands could not stop shaking.

This thing happens to me all the time but it increases in intensity and frequency with stress. It is awful that it could happen anytime and without warning; it surprises you and you just have to live with it (or kill yourself). I was thinking that maybe I should start taking some kind of antianxiety medication, but I am afraid of the side effects; so I'm trying a "natural" or "herbal" antianxiety medication that is supposed to be really good, and does not have side effects. I won't use it all the time, only when I'm desperate.
I am a laid back and happy person, but I tend to worry a lot and think a lot.. Girls are like that, but sometimes I take it too far with the thinking thing. I do yoga and I read books and I concentrate on my work. I go out all the time to have fun and when I intend to have fun, I know how to get it!! So, I'm pretty much a normal person from that perspective. But this thing still happens.

So what I'm doing now, it's 6 PM, I took two Panadol cold and flu pills to help me get dizzy and lethargic and eventually sleep. It helps to really relax all the muscles in my body to the extent that I cannot move sometimes, nevertheless, I still keep waking up if I'm having trouble sleeping that day.

So, I've been on bed in the dark for a while, and I'm hoping to sleep now and don't wake up till tomorrow morning! Pray for me! :)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It's Finally Today

*Brett Dennen - The One Who Loves You the Most

Brett Dennen is good, his problem is that most of his songs have the same tone, although with good lyrics. I just hate the lack of creativity!
Anyhow, good song; one of the songs on my list of "I Wish He Sings Me This". He = the future love of my life. I've had this list for a while, for years and years on my head only... Everytime I heard a good love song, I wished he would sing it to me, TO ME, not to just sing it in front of me, sing it truely for this girl; oh Dear!!.

So anyhow, it's the weekend, I actually have plans! You'd think I'm in a better mood, but I am not! Wow, huh?
I'm going to a little place with a swimming pool and grass and bugs and maybe frogs; I hate grass, bugs and frogs. But I do love swimming; if I had a swimming pool in my house, I'd live in it!I'm going with the family, a sudden plan made by yours truely, and it's going to be a whole day. Yep, I love swimming; it's one of my favorite exhausting activities; next to shopping.

Friday I will visit a friend who slipped at work and broke her nose and her leg as well; she's been on sick leave for a couple of weeks now, and she's staying home for the next month as well. Well, not home exactly, she is going to travel to... somewhere.

This might seem like the typical weekend that I would usually have as the old happy bubbly ohDear!! but it hardly is; the mood is not there at all. It is like, I am doing this in a very mechanical fashion. I like to swim, will do it. I need to visit my friend against my will because she's upset that I didn't leave my whole life and misery behind my back and come to support her at her house during her recovery, so I'm doing it.

And I'm not happy about the visit, because I really wanted to visit her, but I'm in a totally bad shape. She doesn't really think of me, she thinks of herself. She wants me to come pamper her; she told me that she's really bored too. She said that all her friends visited her except for "you guys" (me and our two other mutual friends from work; we're besties), although I am almost certain that no one from work visited her at all. And I'm not happy with the way she's acting, as soon as I heard about it, I called her and I spoke to her and I was really hurt for her. But it's not enough! And it isn't like we didn't try to visit her, I mean, we only planned this visit with her twice and she cancelled it, again, TWICE for other important plans (laser appointment, and then a night out with her other friends; but hey, her cancelling on us isn't really something new, she always does this, so you'd think we would have gotten used to it by now; nope)! But anyways, I still need to baby sit her for a couple of hours, so that she would feel supported. Doesn't matter how I'm feeling. Friends come first. It isn't like my life is over, right? I mean, even though it feel like I'm dying, I still have to take care of my friends, right?

"F" selfish friends.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Strong but Needy

First, you gotta know that I'm really hooked to this song, I've been listening to it all week. And even when I'm not listening to it, I am going through the lyrics in my head. Is that an obsession?

*Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess

Now... Read...

I'm still unhappy. My life isn't easy right now.
Sometimes I wake up and I feel like, okay, today can't be that bad; some other times I wake up and I feel like I'm expecting yet another bad thing to happen to me!

I go to work hoping that I get so busy that I forget my mother's milk (already forgotten, but, ya know!). Last last night, I read the little handbook that boss gave my colleague a few days before; it was about the basics of time management, and it helped me feel less helpless about the tasks that I didn't have enough concentration to know where to start from. I always have a to-do list every single day, but I learned how to prioritize tasks the best way to get them done. I wrote the team's priorities on the whiteboard in our office, and started from there. It was easier to assign people this way, and at the same time, my office-mates are reminded of their tasks everytime they head to the door (or think of scribbling on the whiteboard); which creates positive stress, because I also put my tasks and I keep updating them, and I do progress and write notes and stuff; and I know that they don't want to look bad.
It also shows them, and myself, how much work we are dying to finish so that we can start with the work that we are putting off.

I am trying to not work unpaid overtime like I like to do, (yes, I actually love my job!!) because mom wants me to come back home early; but it seems that rediculous things keep happening just to keep me there until it's late!
Once, boss locked me in and went home, and it took me some time to open the door. Today, we had a very important visitor who came to meet with the whole section, and the meeting extended to half an hour after hours. Moreover, a friend of mine is having driver trouble and I'm taking her occassionaly with me. And most streets on the road back home are on a year round maintenance; one opens only for the other one to get closed! And I'm always late.

Today, one of my colleagues in the section stopped me midway between buildings to talk to me, it was 2 pm, the sun was so hot, we stood under the shade of a tree. He wanted to tell me that he's been through what I'm going through, and that he thought that the world had ended when his relationship with his ex-wife ended. But after three years, he got married to an "adameyah" (a human being) that made him full of pitty for every single minute he didn't spend with her. I got his message, and I explained to him that I am not feeling this way because of my break up, it might be the obvious stressor, but I am okay with it, and I really do have a lot more going on. I told him, and he still wanted to make me feel better. I thanked him a lot, it was really nice of him to stop me and talk to me. He said he didn't want to see an ohDear!! that is so different from the one he knew in a negative way, and he said he wanted me to know that I have a brother.

I respect this guy, and his lovely wife who came once to our office with his gorgeous little daughter. His wife oozes with kidness, and his duaghter; I thought that she's a yummy piece of brownies! Not just because she was chocolate-dark, but, I felt that it must be that she will grow up to be as sweet as her mother seemed to be.

I know, life is sweet and bitter, but I'm just tired right now. I wish I wasn't, but I am. I just need a change of air, and what is stressing me is that I cannot have it. I hope I didn't depress you bloggers? Sorry...

Sunday, November 8, 2009


  • I am bitter.
  • I am depressed. Not important why, but everything is NOT going well... No, let's be more precise; NOTHING IS GOING WELL and every door I try to open, slams in my face. And now, I am supposed to "change myself" to suit "the society". Hate the society. Hate the alien that I'm supposed to be.
  • Certain people make me angry, other certain people overwhelm me, and other other certain people leave me so lonely at a difficult time. I truly expected more.
  • It isn't that I am just depressed, I have NEVER been this depressed. I am miserable. Miserable I tell ya, miserable! The kinda misery that keeps you in bed ALL DAY, in the dark, crying as loud as you can and uncontrollably like a kid. I remembered when I was five and when I cried uncontrollably, and I got tired and I just couldn't stop. Mom snapped at me because it went too long and I said "I can't stop" between breaths. It happened again, I could not stop the weeping.
  • I have been on my bed for three days. I think.
  • Sisters called me, I ignored them. My brother came and talked to me a few times. Yes, it is that bad.
  • So, I spent a lot of time alone, I embraced depression. And I watched the whole third season of Ugly Betty. They did not have to kill Molly on the last episode :(... Can't they see that Daniel truely loved her? *sniff sniff* .. She was the one! She was THE ONE! She turned him into a tolerable guy!! And did they need to do it while he was receiving his award? Does he really need that kind of guilt? God! Those writers are heartless!! Did they really have to keep them apart on her last hours? That was SO HARSH! I am so angry :(
  • Is it so wrong if I didn't want to go to a wedding right now? Why are people acting as though I should "have fun" and "enjoy my life" and "forget about everything" by going to a wedding?! Really? Going to a wedding, huh?!! Isn't it like totally rubbing it in my face? Yes, I think I did the right thing by breaking up the engagement, but I did want to be married, and now I am not! I was damn ready. I think I have all the right to be bitter about that too! I'm not going to weddings until I am ready. I dragged myself to my cousin's wedding in the split second that I wasn't feeling very miserable. But that was my cousin's wedding, I'm not going anywhere until I feel ready. Yes, I will cry as much as I want. Don't care. No weddings for me, till I say so.
  • I am also bitter about.. well, I stopped reading my BFF's email, she was telling me about how much fun she had in Vegas, and then about her surprise birthday party that her husband threw for her. I got bitter and I stopped reading. I am sitting weeping all day, feeling alone, and bitter, and angry, and depressed, and bitter... I'm sorry, I just can't handle her adorable stories right now.. I soooo miss Momo though! :( Wanna kiss him so much so much! He's such a cute yummy kid! He started walking and blabbering, and I was pissed at him when I saw the videos! He should have done that while they were on their vacation in KSA...
  • That's it.. Have nothing else to say...
* Linkin Park - Bleed It Out


Monday, November 2, 2009

the "Beautiful" & the "Handsome" (yum!)

*Alicia Keys & Alejandro Sanz - Looking for Paradise
By the way, that's my ring tone ^^,

I worked with Sharon for a couple of months and then she left the place. We became friends quickly. She is much older than I, but she is so cool! Me and this blondie sometimes would stand in a very inappropriately relaxed pose, in the middle of the crowded work place, leaning to a wall and just talk! Gossip too!.. Sometimes she tends to speak too quickly in her Welishy accent, and I ask her to repeat. No shame in repeating :p she said "we actually have our own language in Wails" and "if I really speak in my accent, you wouldn't understand a word!" -and she meant English, not Welish!!

She's still working in KSA, and we're still pals, mostly online. She's a sweet, sweet lady, and she is trying to fix me up with her "handsome" and "fit" husband's friend from work! He plays football and his name is **** and this is his number **********!!
She will send me a picture and wants to know if she can give him my number!! So sweet of Sharon and her husband (which I consider my friend too, because she loves him a lot and she introduced me to him once when he came to pick her up from work, and he cooks her dinner and asks her what she wants to eat tonight ;) and girls, you know that men who cook for the lady are sexay!).

I'm gonna send her back that it's too soon for me... Even though, *reconsiders* hmmm.. Football player, fit, handsome.. I bet he plays football in shorts, and... shirtless!! God knows why, but damn it he does! And he must be tanned, because he plays under the sun.. Yeah that's why he plays shirtless, the sun is too hot and he sweats, sweat drops falling down to his tummy.. tummy.. *whispers: tummyyyy*... Hmmm, do you think when she said "fit", she actually meant "muscular"? Y3ni is he fit chest-wise, biceps-wise too? Because he should! His arms must be so strong... His legs too from all that running around..

*forgets she's blogging and a drop of drool reaches the floor*

Ok, ok JUST KIDDING :p it's too soon, thanks Sharon and her husband :) you're totally sweet :* but it's not the time.. I just don't want anyone new right now!
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