Saturday, November 21, 2009

Troubled Sleep

* Jem - Flying High

The most amazing lyrics! Love how it describes the dilemma!!

I didn't sleep last night, I was wide awake all night until it was 5:30 AM; I slept and I woke up after an hour, wide awake again but this time with a headache.

I was so tired the day before (Friday) and I didn't really sleep well on Friday night; it was the kinda sleep that you wake up every now and then and force yourself to go back to sleep...
I really wanted to have a lazy Friday and sleep again in the afternoon, especially that I spent Thursday swimming in the swimming pool for four hours and playing football! But I didn't, because I promised my friend to visit her, and so I did with my sister and another friend. She's now happy. Mission accomplished.

So today was okay, except that I felt myself approaching an extreme level of anxiety in the morning. Just like that, for no reason. Sometimes it happens to me and I don't know how to deal with it, it feels like an introduction to a panic attack, but I never reach there thanks God. I was in a meeting this morning, waiting silently and appearing to be very patient for my turn to give my update and leave the room; but inside me I felt that ohDear!! is shouting and wants to run so damn fast to burn all the energy until she (I) is exhausted. The thoughts in my head were racing and it could reach a point of me not keeping up with them, and when that happens I get really scared... I get terrified! I didn't reach that point today, but I could feel my heart beating so fast and my hands could not stop shaking.

This thing happens to me all the time but it increases in intensity and frequency with stress. It is awful that it could happen anytime and without warning; it surprises you and you just have to live with it (or kill yourself). I was thinking that maybe I should start taking some kind of antianxiety medication, but I am afraid of the side effects; so I'm trying a "natural" or "herbal" antianxiety medication that is supposed to be really good, and does not have side effects. I won't use it all the time, only when I'm desperate.
I am a laid back and happy person, but I tend to worry a lot and think a lot.. Girls are like that, but sometimes I take it too far with the thinking thing. I do yoga and I read books and I concentrate on my work. I go out all the time to have fun and when I intend to have fun, I know how to get it!! So, I'm pretty much a normal person from that perspective. But this thing still happens.

So what I'm doing now, it's 6 PM, I took two Panadol cold and flu pills to help me get dizzy and lethargic and eventually sleep. It helps to really relax all the muscles in my body to the extent that I cannot move sometimes, nevertheless, I still keep waking up if I'm having trouble sleeping that day.

So, I've been on bed in the dark for a while, and I'm hoping to sleep now and don't wake up till tomorrow morning! Pray for me! :)

7 cool peeps replied:

Whispering Thoughts said...

I know what you're going through, but hey , don't you know that life is finite. Don't you know that concerning and thinking wouldn't get things any better? Plez just be grateful for any tiny things in your life and you're gonna be much better. Don't think about past or future just live the moment, and be optimistic. I know you might say, hey guys , u don't know what I'm going through , but plez think about it. Life isn't the place we fight about all the time, but we are gonna leave it one day. Can we prevent death if we much concern about it ? Can we prevent things we concern about, of course not? So, what's the deal ? Why we always make a story out of nothing. Life can give us valuable things and then take it in a blink of an eye, and it can give you the good in an unexpected way. Optimism is required in everything we do. You wanna my advice, you need to visit a hospital to distribute for example , candies, flowers for sick people in the upcoming Eid. Ok , try prying , try to help a poor girl or family. You are ok, and good, but the thing is you are just concentrating on a little side of the image. You have a big good image, but you go to concentrate on a little tiny sad thing and you exaggerate it to cover up the whole good image you have. I know I wrote a lot , but hey you are my sister , and I decided that : ) I have a challenge for you to make and this is gonna be in the next comment.

Whispering Thoughts said...

The challenge is for you to have 4 days without thinking. Can you do that for 4 days?
Ok from 2day you have 4 days as you're gonna free yourself from this tiresome thinking. Ok, it's difficult, but it's for 4 days. Go and do all your daily tasks without thinking at all. No concerning at all, you remember this challenge whenever you miss this fucking ugly thinking and concerning. Ok, sis, we have a deal, remember. No thinking for 4 days agreement. Tell me you won: )

Cabin 3110 said...

If you shoot me an email to with your email address, I will pray for you and see if God will reveal the truth about you and you then will know what your problems stem from.

Jundi said...

about ur all-natural anxiety medication .. im interested to know what it is .. cuz i could use some ..

Anonymous said...

I think a lot too, my "a lot" means a lot like I couldn't sleep and have "pee pee" problem :D, I always run to the bathroom for no reason, I know I'm annoying :P teehee :D

Well I have my own therapy, I keep on telling myself, "Hey what's the worse condition? You have everything you need, just relax and hold on tight and everything will eventually go back to its condition" then I try to close my eyes and sleep and relax :) and sleep.

I used to take "herbal antianxiety medication" coz I stress a lot about my studies, I hate studying law and competence among classmates; consuming almost all my energy grrrr! But now I got over it, I sleep and only wake up when my god damn alarm clock ring :P!

ohDear!! said...

Whispering Thoughts
I am greatful and I know about the things that you said, but I can't control the almost panic that I get in! If I could, I swear I would! It's awful!!
I just worry too much :/
If we were in each other's places; I'd be worried about you for writing that post :p lol!!
I get what you said about doing something good for others, it's a great suggestion and I have an increadibly easy access to do that :)
~And about the challenge, hmmm, it isn't like I control the way I think too much! Do you mean I should leave things undone to remain.. omg... undone!? :/ (am I sounding like Monica now?!) Don't you think it'll increase my anxiety? :p
I'll do it for you! Starting tomorrow, will update you next Sat! (OMG just typing that I remembered that we are preparing for an event at work that will take place on Saturday morning and I started worrying about it although I know I will be on Eid vacation and someone else will be working on it :p... Ya see what I'm dealing with? :D.. kinda funny!!)

Cabin 3110
What? lol!! Hmmm.. Thanks for the offer :D

Xmood.. It's in my mailbox, will try it soon!

Awh pee pee problems suck! :/
It makes sense that you stopped taking the pills once your stressor stopped stressing you! I never felt I needed anything until now, I'm in so much stress, but things are getting better day by day.. I just want something for the almost panic attacks that I'm getting.. They suck too!
Love sleeping all night and not waking up till the god damn alarm clock rings :) what a nice feeling! Good for you girl!

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