Sunday, November 8, 2009


  • I am bitter.
  • I am depressed. Not important why, but everything is NOT going well... No, let's be more precise; NOTHING IS GOING WELL and every door I try to open, slams in my face. And now, I am supposed to "change myself" to suit "the society". Hate the society. Hate the alien that I'm supposed to be.
  • Certain people make me angry, other certain people overwhelm me, and other other certain people leave me so lonely at a difficult time. I truly expected more.
  • It isn't that I am just depressed, I have NEVER been this depressed. I am miserable. Miserable I tell ya, miserable! The kinda misery that keeps you in bed ALL DAY, in the dark, crying as loud as you can and uncontrollably like a kid. I remembered when I was five and when I cried uncontrollably, and I got tired and I just couldn't stop. Mom snapped at me because it went too long and I said "I can't stop" between breaths. It happened again, I could not stop the weeping.
  • I have been on my bed for three days. I think.
  • Sisters called me, I ignored them. My brother came and talked to me a few times. Yes, it is that bad.
  • So, I spent a lot of time alone, I embraced depression. And I watched the whole third season of Ugly Betty. They did not have to kill Molly on the last episode :(... Can't they see that Daniel truely loved her? *sniff sniff* .. She was the one! She was THE ONE! She turned him into a tolerable guy!! And did they need to do it while he was receiving his award? Does he really need that kind of guilt? God! Those writers are heartless!! Did they really have to keep them apart on her last hours? That was SO HARSH! I am so angry :(
  • Is it so wrong if I didn't want to go to a wedding right now? Why are people acting as though I should "have fun" and "enjoy my life" and "forget about everything" by going to a wedding?! Really? Going to a wedding, huh?!! Isn't it like totally rubbing it in my face? Yes, I think I did the right thing by breaking up the engagement, but I did want to be married, and now I am not! I was damn ready. I think I have all the right to be bitter about that too! I'm not going to weddings until I am ready. I dragged myself to my cousin's wedding in the split second that I wasn't feeling very miserable. But that was my cousin's wedding, I'm not going anywhere until I feel ready. Yes, I will cry as much as I want. Don't care. No weddings for me, till I say so.
  • I am also bitter about.. well, I stopped reading my BFF's email, she was telling me about how much fun she had in Vegas, and then about her surprise birthday party that her husband threw for her. I got bitter and I stopped reading. I am sitting weeping all day, feeling alone, and bitter, and angry, and depressed, and bitter... I'm sorry, I just can't handle her adorable stories right now.. I soooo miss Momo though! :( Wanna kiss him so much so much! He's such a cute yummy kid! He started walking and blabbering, and I was pissed at him when I saw the videos! He should have done that while they were on their vacation in KSA...
  • That's it.. Have nothing else to say...
* Linkin Park - Bleed It Out


15 cool peeps replied:

Whispering Thoughts said...

It's only a matter of time. Believe me dear, things are gonna be better soon. I really doubt there is anything any of us can say that will make you feel better, but I would like to talk about my depression. I suffered from it for about 1 year, and I never thought that my agony's gonna be ended, but now I'm so so amazed that myself is becoming more lively. I watched my soul withering, and I do really mean it. Now, I always remind myself in these words that I repeat constantly to myself "It's easy to be depressed, but it's difficult to get out of it ". I've chosen to get out of it. That took time, and I'm still fighting to be in "out of it" zone.
"Innocent hugs"

Anonymous said...

Hey babe, I know how hurtful it is for you to go to wedding right now! How insensitive they are(the people around you), they should be more understanding! Just ignore them, come on I pissed when I read your post! So what if you need time for yourself and don't wanna have fun! Just don' give a shit to anyone right now!

nosa said...

i feeel u..
its ok u can cry as much as u want.. u'll cry till u get over it n life will be all good again..
just always keep in mind ( ena ma3a el3usr yusra ) there's light at the end of the tunnel..
n ur going to be just fine!!

socity is just shit.. m3leech.. n just do u feel like doing till ur back on ur feeet

M O Z A said...

i hate our society its forcing us to use a mask that doesn't fit and we continue doing it just to protect our family "names" !!

there is always a happy moment and unhappy momentS in our lives, be strong and fight to get over it, sitting in bed will do nothing dear, go back to Ur world and prove yourself, cry whenever u want, i believe its healthy to cry, yet don't show Ur weakness to the outer world, they might take it against you one day.

Anonymous said...

cheer up girl :) look at the bright side of everything... i call all this life experiance.

remember, nothing is worth spoiling your mood or making you depressed.


MuSe Sphere said...

don't know what to say to cheer you up, probabaly nothing, just take your time and hopefully things will be better soon.

[MaDry-Shakw~] said...

its ok goes by time.. =)

ohDear!! said...

Whispering Thoughts
1 year?! OMG! That is awful :(
"innocent hugs back"..
Thanks for the support!

I'm trying my hardest not to give "shit".. but people not only want you to give a shit, they want you to give a diarrhea.
Why am I always nasty? That's so not lady-like!
Okay, okay... point is, people are stupid. Screw them.
Thanks babe :*

[Inna m3a al3osri yosra].. That cheered me up :)
Thanks 7abibiti.. Again, screw society!

YEAAAAH!! And guess what, boys don't get to wear the masks, because "they carry their own names"! That is so stupid!
I am crying because no matter how much I fight, it is not working. And crying isn't weakness, it's our thing and I want to cry if I feel like it. Except at work :p I don't want to cry at work!!

Thanks Naseem for your support, but I disagree, there are a lot of things worth spoiling my mood :(

MuSe Sphere
You don't have to babe, it's okay. Was venting.

True! Inshallah..

Anonymous said...

Aww me lovey you not lady-like and speak from the heart. I was just telling B about how UN-lady-like I am a few days ago :P

Anonymous said...

i hope u r feeling better by now..that's all i can say :(

Jundi said...

awww .. group hug :(

Allah yifrijha 3alaina jamee3an :)

Fadiosis said...

it all starts from situations like these, when it's dark enough u'll see the stars. no matter how harsh, how cruel, how horrible the thing u're living is, u'll explore sides of u and ur life u've never been before... hope (by now since my comment is late) that u're feeling better not bitter my sweetie ♥

OutOfReach said...

Hello dear I hope ur feeling better now , you'll be ok , u need time I know how unfair like can be no matter how hard it is you have to move on

ohDear!! said...

Babe are you saying that ladies have testosteron and that is what makes them sometimes act not lady-like? :p
*whispers: how's that for an excuse? ;)*

Thanks! I'm not, but thanks :)

I'm shy :$
thank you, ya rub inshallah jamee3an :)

Aww I love "better not bitter"! I think I don't feel bitter but that doesn't mean that I'm feeling better :(
I'm depressed, my life isn't going well...
And yes I have explored depression and misery to a new extent, I feel like I have been in so much shit that I almost hit the rock bottom.. almost! That's a new experience indeed..

Thank you! I do need time and my family does too..
*hugs back* .. thanks sweetie :*

Fadiosis said...

Oh honey by "exploring" i meant good stuff... sides that never seen the light but now!!

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