The Way I Feel at Weddings

It's 2:20 AM and I'm still at the wedding hall; it's my cousin's wedding. My cousin and I were best friends as teenagers, and it was great! We were also neighbors, and she used to send me letters with her little sister like "come to my house, it's URGETNT!" and I'd go to her place wondering about the urgent thing that cannot be said on the phone, and when I get there, she laughs and it turns out that she is bored and too lazy to talk on the phone and try to convince me to come over.

So the the thing is, you know how weddings make you feel extra SINGLE if you are, and extra ALONE, especially when everything is done, and the bride and groom are looking so happy leaving the hall, the celebration, the dancing, the noise and all the guests; hand in hand or in each other's arms, going to their own new home where they will build a life of love, problems, and eventually: forgiveness.. You know that feeling? That is how weddings make me feel...

And it made me sad tonight that I was almost married a couple of months ago; I was almost going to make that exit that I always saw at weddings and always wished that when I get married, on my wedding, I do it while feeling like there is nothing in the world more correct than this. It made me sad when I realized that I don't feel that way about my fiance, that if I make that exit with him, I'd be lying to myself and to him and to our families and to all the guests at our wedding, and to every single person that would congratulate me.

I wasn't happy with him, and although we bought the furniture for the apartment, and I started to organize the dishes and the stupid stuff that I bought for our the kitchen; I wasn't really feeling that I want to live there. One afternoon, I was alone with him in the apartment after we brought some stuff and some groceries, we spend some time there trying to watch a movie, and again, I realized that... no, I don't want to LIVE with him ALONE just the two of us, forEVER!

He is not a bad person, he was okay and he said that he always loved me. He started trying to make things work after a while, but I could not get over his flaws; for one, he would rather watch football than spend time with me, even though I cried so much about it. As I said, he was trying, and when he changed that one thing about him, and it was a huge issue; it was too late! I had already stopped loving him. I was wishing and waiting for him to fall in love with me; I hoped for that with all my heart. It didn't happen.

So, it is sad. And I didn't plan or want all this to happen, I'm now legally "divorced", who would want that? Who wouldn't want to live with someone else and make him/her happy? Who wouldn't want to have the real "exit" moment? But it happened, and we broke up.

The bride's sister, my cousin, sat with me after the wedding "how are you?" And "How are you handling it?" And "We were really stressed out about it, and we really felt for you".. She hugged me and kissed me and she told me that she knew that this is happening for a while (his niece is her friend and she told her), and she was worried about me for a while. It is God's willing, "qisma wa naseeb".. That is what she kept saying.

It would be the most beautiful part of my wedding, making that exit with real true feelings.

*Jason Mraz - Details in The Fabric



Xx

On My Way

I reported stalked #2 to boss, boss to his boss, and boss's boss's boss also knew. Boss's boss did everything. (I should give them names!! :p).. Anyhow, we discussed me and Boss's boss the best way to deal with it; he investigated with the legal affairs on how much we'd gain from filing a case (not much for now, since I don't have a physical evidence or a witness); versus solving it in words and giving him a chance to apologize. We did the latter because we knew he'd deny and the case would be closed.

He apologized, it wasn't a nice situation at all, sitting in front of boss's boss, stalker #2 and his boss, and repeating what happened.. My face was getting hotter and hotter, I felt that my face was as red as the scarf that I was wearing, which was pretty much RED!

Anyhow, it finished, done, ended. Now I know that some guys are sick, and a girl really needs to make her smile and natural behavior exclusive, don't show it to just anyone..

So, I don't have much time to get online and blog, I'm on my way to work now as I'm typing this (thanks BlackBerry!).. So, excuse me if I don't reply to your comments or read your blogs. I will come back!

I'm so into "More Than Words" by "Extreme"..


I started looking for universities for my masters; there is no way that I can go without a scholarship in 2010, I just can't afford it (did my calculation). I can pay the university fees and maybe the housing, but I can't pay for anything else!
I spoke to someone from the academic affairs, she gave me a brief description of the sponsoring process and whom should I contact and what I should prepare. It's a long process, pray for me from the bottom of your heart! Scratch that, from the bottom of your stomach, or even from the bottom of your ass! PRAY for me guys, come on! Go ahead, show me the good prayers *puppy smile, trying to get your prayers" :p

Hmm, puppy smile? Puppy eyes, would that work with Arabs? I don't really think we're puppy people, I can't resist tiny kittens though..

Ok I started to just say things randomly :/
Yalla see you in my next car ride :p

XxX

Malat!!

Pervert #1: He was a stalker; sent me a few emails to my work email. We still don't know who he is, although I have a certain suspect. We traced his IP address, but after a while we decided that finding out who this ****** is probably not worth the trouble. A) because he stopped sending after we changed my email and B) because we don't have time and C) as long as he is not from work (which is something we are almost sure of), then it won't be of any use knowing him.

Pervert #2 NEW: He was flirting in the face saying let's do it. Can't get more retarted. And I didn't expect this amount of retardation from an American, but I guess elta5alluf is everywhere, and depending on the location of your brain. Because some people have brains in their skulls, while others have them in their penises.

Scuze me.

For #2, that was the excuse actually; that he came from Georgia, and people from Georgia aren't all educated, and it is his first time on a plane, and his first time to Saudi.
Wallahi I don't care! That is not a good enough excuse, he should know the difference between being friendly, joking, flirting, and sexual harrassment.

Now, I won't go into details, not to protect their privacy, but because I'm angry. I am angry that guys can get really... *#$!@@*^%$! And I am also angry at myself for always smiling always laughing. I need to be more professional and less casual. I don't need to be myself at work, I need to be myself with myself, at home, with friends, with family... in other words, in my personal life.

I'm so angry!
Ufffff!!
Uf
Uf
Ufffffffffffffffff!

All I can say is: malat 3ala some stupid cows!

On the Radio!!

*Regina Spektor - On the Radio


Silly video, but great song!


This is how it works: it feels a little worse, then when we drove our hearse, right through that screaming crowed, while laughing up a storm, until we were just bone, until it got so warm.. that none of us could sleep.. And all the styrofoam began to melt away. We tried to find some worms to aid in the decay, but none of them were home inside their catacomb. A million ancient bees began to sting our knees. While we were on our knees, praying that disease would leave the ones we love, and never come again; on the radio, we heard November Rain! That solo's really long, but it's a pretty song. We listened to it twice, 'cause the DJ was asleep! :)

This is how it works: you're young until you're not! You love until you don't! You try until you can't! You laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh. And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.

No, this is how it works: you peer inside yourself; you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made and stick it into some... Someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm you hope it don't get hard, but even if it does; you'll just do it all again...

And on the radio, you hear November Rain! That solo's awful long, but it's a good refrain... You listen to it twice 'cause the DJ is asleep.. On the radio.. On the radio.. On the radio uh oh, on the radio uh oh...

On the radio!

~~~~

Wallahi I'm so tired! Me and J upgraded our workout to 2 hours! Ha ha!! :p And that is why, come 10 PM we are exhausted and want to sleep.. But we don't!
The instructor is good, and the workouts are cool... I discovered some "new" muscles in my butt! What a wonderful discovery :) I'm so gonna use those muscles from now on!!

My muscles are so short and so stiff, and I hate it, I want to stretch all the way, and I want to be able to carry stuff and open stuff and be tough :p ~love the rhyming!!

So anyhow, will see ya when I'm not so tired..

*Whispers: bloggers, miss you! :)*

I Went to the Gym

I went to the gym at work today. I didn't know it was THIS cool!! The place is quiet, good air conditioning, A LOT of actually working machines, a good space for the instructor class, and a lot of mirrors. I was also impressed by the sound system, I took my laptop with me to do my yoga from the DVD, and the instructor connected my laptop to the sound system and there we were, me and J and a lady that thought yoga was easy and then left half way, saying that it is not really good to do those workouts without a real instructor next to you so that you do not injure yourself :p

I'm doing 10 minutes warming up, and then 20 minutes yoga (I told J that no matter how hard she tries to change my mind off yoga, she won't succeed because I need yoga, I have "special circumstances" that need getting high -legally- :p), 10 minutes cardio and 10 minutes strength. Finally 10 minutes cooling down.

I am starting with this and inshallah building it up gradually. I don't care if I work out 2 hours a day; I have nothing better to do, and I just LOVE working out. I want to be ohDearlicious!! :p Which reminds me of this song.. :D

*Fergie - Fergalicious


Hmmm aaanyways, I also need to eat healthy, for me that is the most difficult part!

- Reduce the amount of salt.
- At least one large bottle of water a day.
- Limit mayo and buttery sauces and spreads.
- Low fat milk in coffee (and everything, I hate full fat anyway).
- Never use regular sugar (love the taste of sugar substitute, plus it melts right away!).
- Nothing should be fried (come on, except occassionally!! ;) )
- More protein, less starch.
- Mandatory: 1 kind of fruit/veggies per day.
- Breakfast everyday.
- Limit trips to Baskin Robin's and Krispy Kreme.
- Split a meal and a salad with someone in restaurants instead of eating the whole thing.

Hmmm, any health advice you have for me?
Thanks! :)

Birthday

I hate that I don't have time to blog until the weekend! Uffff!!
And it was a long week; I have been covering for boss since Sunday, he said he might come back on Wednesday but I told him he shouldn't come. Anyhow, he went abroad for an exam and I can't wait for him to come back on Saturday to know how he did! He was so frustrated the last time.
So he gave me a lot of tasks, I wasn't in the mood to work. Not only that, my mind was preoccupied by you-know-what, and it isn't that I am unable to concentrate, it is like my mind is completely blank that there is nothing to concentrate on!

Feeling low and totally distracted, I tried to push myself because I didn't want to disappoint boss; he trusts me on directing the section while he's gone, but he knows I can't do everything because I don't have enough experience. I held the section meeting on Wednesday, it was the first time that I hold a big weekly meeting! I was afraid that I'd flunk, but it wasn't that bad. It was okay actually!

I hate blogging about work.

So on Wednesday too, me and J my friend from the office went to the supermarket -not that we needed to buy anything- and I saw this pack of birthday cake candles..
Me: J, I want candles.
J: Why?
Me: I like them! ... *shy* ... should I buy them?
J: Yeah why not.
Me: Let's do a birthday!
J: lol!

And then we bought a carton packed chocolate cake, chocolate cream, and balloons. Then I saw candles with numbers and I really wanted to have them! There was 7, 8, and 9; and I couldn't decide on which number (I liked the clown on the 8 more though), I put the 8 and 9 in the basket while we're talking and I bought them both by mistake.
We continued shopping and we agreed to have the birthday between 2 and 3 pm because she had a meeting at 3 pm.

So at 2 pm, we're in my office, J's friend K joined us and she had lunch while me and J were preparing for the birthday. Birthday cake looked yummy after we covered it with the chocolate cream, and it was yum! We covered the cake with candles and prepared the balloons. I decorated the place with the multicolored magnets that I use at the office, and the chocolate mini's that I keep in a bowl at my desk (for decoration, and occassional mood lifting!).

The result:

We turned off the lights, lit the candles, put on music, and we started singing: happy biiiiiirth day to youuuu .. happy biiiiiirth day to youuuuu ... etc

And then, sana heeeelwa ya gameeeel! sana heeeelwa ya gameeeel ...

Finished singing,

K: *interrupting* kil sana wenti 6ayba J!! Kil sana wenti 6ayba ohDear!!
J and Me: Kil sana wenti 6aybaaaa LOL
Me: Okay, okay, let's make a wish!
J and K: Yalla!!
Me: Yaaa rub nsaaafir :p (I wish we travel!!)
J: *excited* yaaa rub asafir la7ali!! (I wish I travel on my own! -I'm guessing she means without her family?!)
K: Ya rub nsafir kilna.. m3 ba3'9 (I wish we travel together!)
Me: Yes, yes! I wish we travel.. and we lose it just a tiiiiiiiny little teeny weeny bit...
J: Yes, juuuust a tiiiiny little teensy weensy itsy bitsy bit.. *thinks for a second*... NO, NO! We will be excited and excited in losing it big time, if you please ohDear!! :p
K: We'll do just a few stuff... *innocent giggle*
J: Okay, okay..
Me: Are we going to... *I said something I don't want you to know :p*
K: We'll try it once!
J: Yes we just want to know what happens there... We'll just look and see!! :p
*giggles*
Me: Okay.. Hmmm.. Let's blow the candles now.. 1.. 2 ..3
We blew the candles and then heeeeeeeh followed by claping and laughter at ourselves!!

It was so silly, we ate the cake and enjoyed our time until it was 3 pm, and J was late for her meeting. It was so cool that we did this, and in case you're wondering whose birthday it was, hmmm it wasn't anybody's :p
After that I was catching up on work like crazy...

*Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten


I'm really trying to have the optimistic it's-a-new-day attitude that Natasha is singing, but it is difficult right now when you-know-what is so recent. Actually it was only Tuesday. Can't blame me!

Anyhow, cheers :)

Marital Status

I am single.

Just This! ♥

Hello...

Last week was tiring, I didn't have the chance to tell you what happened on Friday! I don't want to write a long post, so I'm just going to show you some random pictures from my phone and my camera :)

A lovely song that makes me feel good even though life isn't being good to me :( ...
*Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On


Let's start with this one, this is when I first met S; S is my BFF's flat-mate's daughter. She's 10 years old and quite talkative. It was almost midnight when she brought her toys to show them to me, she brought this kitten and I was like "hey that matches my PJ's :p" .. I think that was the moment when she fell in love with me (when I started acting like a kid :pP)...

Later, on Friday, me, my sisters and my friend M changed S's name to "Shantelle", because we just did her hair in a curly side bun, and her being dark and pretty; we had this conversation:

Me: Don't you feel that with this hair, S's name is.. "Natasha"?

Sis: * laughs* Hmmm, no I think she's... "Shanikwa" (dunno where she got that from :p)

Me: No babe! She's a total "Shantelle"! She could go "hey am Shantelle.. Shantelle, Shantelle" .. *snap fingers as I repeat the name*

So we called her Shantelle for the rest of our stay there :) she liked it!!

***

And this is our breakfast in King Khaled airport, I had orange juice, tuna sandwich and cold coffee (you notice I have a very healthy appetite! I was hungry and I had to go back to work on the same day! -arrived at noon). M got a hot cappuccino and she got a heart! I ♥ hearts on my coffee! :D

***

I took this picture as a joke, I don't remember the restuarant, I think it's Bet Altanoor in Khobar. They serve soups/thongs :)

***

A "part" of a lunch I had in Carlton Al-Moaibed Hotel, I was excited about the shrimpaya (love shrimp! ♥)

Why do girls take pictures of their food? :p

***

The swimming pool in Carlton Almoaibed hotel looks so inviting!

♥ swimming :)

***

Finally, a not so glamorous photo!

Last Tuesday, I was visited by two students that had summer training in the section I was heading at the time (boss was on leave), and they stayed with me most of the time. So anyhow, one of them was telling me that she just cleaned her room and she found really old stuff that go as far as 9 years back!! I told her, "but you can't beat what I found in my room once when I cleaned!!"

Heheeee :D

***

Hmmm and that's it! Next time I bog, I will tell you the story of "pervert".. that's one of many nicknames that he got in the last three days!!

Cio!

"Riyadh Vacation" :p Thursday

*Pink - So What


I arrived at King Khalid airport in Riyadh at 7:15 pm on Wed, got to my friend's (my BFF) apartment at around 8:15 pm. BFF came from work very late, at around 11 pm. Me and BFF slept very late that night because as my sisters slept, we kept talking in the dark till 3 am. Next day (Thursday), BFF had to work again till 5 pm.
I woke up at noon, and I called my friend M who came to Riyadh on a recreational trip (!) organized by the recreation guy at work for the weekend, and we went out for lunch.

We ate at a chinese Restaurant called "Diamond" in Localized shopping mall; I just loved the place and I enjoyed the meal. We ordered the "Diamond shampagne" just for fun, which is like a huge pipe that stands vertically on your table, with a faucet (LOL!!) from which the waiter kept our glasses full! I think it contained something like 2 liters of Saudi shampagne, and we left more or less a third of a liter.
I loved Diamond, and I always ignored chopsticks and ate with knife and fork until today! :p waiter said I was doing it right :)

Appetizers

Main Dishes

 Plain rice! I needed this because the food was spicy, and it cooled things down :)

The Diamond Champage tower!!

This is one of the other tables in Diamond, it's so dark with a spot of light on the center of the table, cool!

 

That's me chopsticking! Awful pic, was taking it with my other hand (doesn't this picture kinda makes you feel that I had nothing better to do? *which was true* LOL)

Then we spent the whole day shopping, we visited three different shopping malls, and we didn't buy much. Just a few pieces all together. We also ran into recreation guy and his group from work in one of the malls, recreation guy seemed thrilled to see me; we were in a five days course last week together and I think he feels like he "knows me" now :p whatever..

Later, BFF joined us and we went to dinner in Copper Chandni, which wasn't a big deal because all Indian restaurants seem to serve the same foods with slightly different levels of spiciness.
One of the waiters had a crush on BFF and he almost wanted to sit with us! He kept coming and going and constantly asking if we "needed anything" :p.. He looked anxious when he brought in the bill, and he was shaking when I paid the bill and he brought my CC back; he just stood there as me and the girls were talking.. Just looking at us as though he was supposed to be there. I asked him if he needed anything and he made some incomprehensible sounds and he pointed at BFF. It was so rediculous how many "get lost, go out, go away" hints we gave him, but he just stood there staring at BFF looking anxious!! We really tried to hold it in until he left and as soon as that happened, we cracked up! Stomach hurt so much!! :D We think he was waiting for her number or something! WTF!!??

Samosa was my favorite dish in Copper Chandni, I like Indian food, but I guess I just got bored!!

Later, M ordered us all to have dessert in Chilli's because she was craving that nutty, overly sweet pie thing dessert that I don't like and I honestly forgot it's name; I, on the other hand, was and will always be (I think) loyal to the good old MoLteN CaKe! M said she doesn't like it!! Who doesn't like Chilli's MC!! Come on! :/
Surprisingly, Khobar Chilli's make a bigger cake (and more sauce) than Riyadh's, that is good news for me ;)

We commuted by taxis, and I notice that I started to know my way around *bows as you clap*.. And it was hilarious how each time we wanted to go somewhere, we'd stop a taxi and try to figure out how to stuff the five of us in one cab, we were very creative I'm telling ya! But we did use two taxis twice!
There isn't much to do in Riyadh other than shopping and dining really, the girls want to go play on Star City tomorrow. We'll see...

Hmmm, yes, I think it was a good idea coming to Riyadh, it definitely took my mind off of you-know-what, and I feel good hanging with friends.
Next trip on the agenda: ... hmmm, better not jinx it by talking about it :p