I Hate My Friends

I hate them cuz when I'm in my ever bordest state and I call them, they get busy and tell me they'll call me later.. Some of them don't call until the next day... Or the next week!! And some others call me in the night when I'm tired and want to sleep.

Right now I'm soooo bored, and 5 are busy and one is sleeping. Tonight they'll call me, I know.. But I'm not taking calls... I'll sleep at 10. Max 10:30.. Uff... Friends are stupid!

Bye Bye Vacation :(

3 weeks vacation + 1 week in Beirut for a course. And all that is over! :'( I want more vacation!!

Beirut was nice, I'd rather be up the mountains than close to the sea; I'm not a fan of humidity and heat. The course was great, networking with people from my specialty from many different Arab countries; Sudan, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, UAE, Qatar, Iraq, Tunis, Palestine, Philippines (expat :p), also from USA and Italy.. In addition to people from Egypt, Bahrain, and others... The vast majority of them were academics, which wasn't bad, but it would be nicer if we met people with hands on experience. We're planning to stay in touch. We're sharing our pictures, contacts, and planning for future meetings in conferences/courses/forums, and international site visits.

I'm supposed to write a report about the course, boss's boss's boss asked for it, and boss told me he's expecting it tomorrow. I sent him an email and told him I'll do that after my finals (three finals this weekend, pray for me!). I had enough wallah, I didn't study at all this semester because of work! No report writing until I'm done with the finals. Moreover, tomorrow I have a meeting with the consultants from the project, I also had enough of working with annoying guy! He's been making bigger problems and extending work on the project in a stupid way, it reached shouting and cursing at one of the consultants. I am done working with him, he's not on my team, I'll tell them I'm going to propose to the team that he leaves the project; and I'll make it clear that if he doesn't leave, I will apologize to the medical director and the project steering committee and pull out of the project. I can't keep wasting my time with him.

O bss :p

Going to Beirut

* I'm not liking the jokes about Riyadh, what happened was unfortunate. I'm sure people are still suffering.
* I'm in Beirut for a week, I have a course. I didn't sleep well last night, obviously I'm afraid of flying. The flight is almost 3 hours and I took one tablet of propranolol to "block" my adrenaline, but it can't block the fear itself! The rest is up to me!! I have Xanax with me, my doc gave it to me for emergencies, but I never used it. My friend told me that her friends in the US were just talking about this drug, and how they take it for long flights to have "positive thoughts". I don't wanna take it, I did a whole lot of research, and I carried it with me. I finally put my trust in God. He kept me safe.
* I'd love to attend those pre-flight classes that helps you deal with panic and anxiety.
* I have 3 finals in two weeks.
1st subject: I have one chapter left to finish studying it.
2nd subject: I gotta study the whole material for the FIRST time!
3rd subject: I already studied all the material for the mid term, which is good, but still need to do heavy reviewing.
Now, how am I gonna study all the material when I have the course and then I have to go back to work?! I need your prayers.
* I don't really like to stay by myself, but I'm staying kind of alone in Beirut for the course. A colleague from the office is also attending this course, but she's here with her family (mom + child + MAID + husband will come in a couple of days). I'm AaalooowwWne!! I told myself, no worries, at least I'll get to do the "solo traveler" thing, if I like it, I might do it again!
* Mmmm actually am bored in the plane and am writing this and planning to send it as soon as we land. About 45mins more.. Inshallah aw9al bissalama ya rub!

Mr. Right :p

This is funny :D a BB BC:

I haven't met Mr. Right yet.. But I have met:
☑ Mr. Asshole
☑ Mr. Engaged
☑ Mr. Psycho
☑ Mr. Drama
☑ Mr. Cheap ass
☑ Mr. Obsessed !
☑ Mr. Married =))
The list goes on:
☑ Mr. BULLSHIT
☑ Mr. COMMITMENT ISSUES
☑ Mr. ALL THE GIRLS WANT ME
☑ Mr. STONE AGE THINKING
☑ Mr. JUDGMENTAL
☑ Mr. TALKS SHIT IF U DNT LIKE HIM
☑ Mr. ANA 3ND ELSHBAAB
☑ Mr. Your just to good 4 me , u deserve better!!
☑ Mr. I had a car accident that's why I couldn't answer my phone or come
☑ Mr. All girls r bitch's and my sis is an angel...
:)
☑ Mr. I can't propose to you coz my parents want me to marry my cousin!
☑ Mr. ANA A7BIK BS MGDER ATZAWAJIK
☑ Mr. I'm the one who controls this relationship
☑ Mr. Busy busy busy!!
☑ Mr. Ana rijal ma y3bny shai
☑ Mr. I'm afraıd Ur famıly won't accept me cuz' of the stupid MOJTAMA3 thinking.
☑ Mr. Ana ma3moli 3amal marbooot ma agdr atzawajek, bs its ok 2 have u as a girl friend.=D
☑ Mr. BZRRRRRR
☑ Mr. I'm an angel I'm perfect o ma a'3l6
☑ Mr. Unsuccessful
☑ Mr. Looooooser
☑ Mr. Oh look at me I'm too pretty
☑ Mr. U r the last thing in my list
☑ Mr. U r way too complicated and I can't get u.
☑ Mr. Ma a3te4er o Ta3ali ra'9ini or I'll leave u!
☑ Mr. I'm not a relationship guy bs enti 3'air sub7an allah!
☑ Mr. It's not you ,, it's me !! << The old fashion excuse.
☑ Mr. BISEXUAL o y7ss he deserves al(men's rights) :/
☑ Mr. I'm afraid of allah fj2ah that's why I have to broke up (he lies) yb3'a t9refa tsktek ast3'fr Allah
☑ Mr. Ana kont met7ames awal ma 3reftk I thought I love u but I was wrong!
☑ Mr. I am already in love but I love u 2, ash asawe I am n love with 2. 010 that's 2010 ,NEEEWWW
...... Fill in the blanks girls ;) loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

:D
So?

It Is Not Funny...

I haven't been talking about anything but how much I'm tired and how badly I am looking forward for my leave. I agreed with boss that I'm not gonna cover for him. But on Saturday I am surprised that I actually am!
I had no choice! I got pissed at him. We were talking on BBM and I told him I didn't know I've been covering for you!
Me: You put me in your out of office replay and people are sending me your emails.
Boss: You're just there for signing papers (means that his boss will cover for him).

We spoke for a bit and I mentioned Tuesday which I am supposed to be on leave...

Boss: I will be in Riyadh Tuesday.
Me: then let your boss cover for you! You know I am sick ya nas I am sick and tired!!
Boss: wallah I am not happy about it, he will come too.
Me: you're not serious!! Then let HIS boss cover for you two...
Boss: he is coming too...
Me: -getting annoyed- then let flan (the CEO) cover for you guys.. I don't care if...
Boss: he is coming too.
Me: :O.. Wah..

And then he told me the story of the minister bla bla bla. I was so upset, and his boss came later and I spoke to him and I told him you guys are really making me angry.. And I showed him my meds, he laughed and said I reminded him of his grandma!!

Almohim boss pulled me from the never ending exhausting mind draining project for this week, and we finally agreed that I will leave the place unattended on Tuesday, and shall a museeba happen, I will come from home.

Truth is, I am saying that I'm not coming, but I don't have the heart to do this.
And truth is, they are going to be away until Wednesday noon.
And truth is, I have the right to take 3 weeks leave (starting next Saturday), which will be followed by a one week trip to Lebanon for a course!

Wouldn't that be cool? ;)

Last Week Before FaKasHon!!

I was able to have an anxiety/panic-free day yesterday; it had a lot to do with being off, and I am certain that my school buddy's prayers had a huge impact... I was pretty much "relaxed" the whole day...
But the moment I opened my eyes today when I heard the sound of the alarm, I felt it again.. I tried to analyze the situation according to what shrinky explained, he said that the way I think about the situation is the thing that leads to my emotions and behavior towards it. So, what's the situation? Me having to go to work? Meh.. What... Wah...
Wow, I really burned myself out working, didn't I?

I loved spending time doing almost nothing yesterday, I even enjoyed lazying around and saying "I'm too bored to move".. I will definitely keep doing that for some time! I EARNED it strongly strongly EARNED it!!

On Thursday while I was in the university, I got an email from boss asking me to cover for him for four days. We already agreed that he'll be off Sat, Sun, and Mon, and I'll take Tues and Fri before my two weeks vacation (to study for my finals/get away from work), and I told him that I am sorry but I will not be able to cover for him during his leave, because I am SICK. He knows everything, so he agreed. Now this email is basically telling me not only to stay at work, but asking me to cover for him. "Please agree..." Reading those words made me want to cry. I immediately spoke to him on BBM, I was tearful. He told me it is okay, and asked me not to worry about who will cover for him while he is gone.
And I LISTENED...

I really need rehabilitation, I am a bad case of workaholism, moreover I used more and more work pressure to get away from the other pressures that I had (didn't work by the way), and the end result became an insanely huge pressure... Ahh, the irony!

So, I'm on my way to work now... I'm more than half an hour late, dunno when will they finish "fixing" the mistakes in Dammam roads and streets.. Am not complaining though!!

M3assalama!

Teach Me!!

I've been beating myself up!
Gosh!!

Last night I sent an email to my shrink (yes, I have a "shrink" :p), a looooong one!
I was thinking out loud about what could be the reason that made me feel worse after I started seeing him, while I said on our first meeting, and I quote myself, "I want to seal my panic problem". I told him in the email, that when someone uses the word "seal", it probably indicates that that someone had "contained" the thing and put a lid on it, and just wants to secure it!
I thought out loud, and I wrote my stressors in the past two weeks, as well as the positive things that happened to me during the past... I dunno, one or two months! I identified 9 stressors!! And most of them were chronic!

I realized that I do have stress issues, I have more on my plate than I SHOULD be having. I realized that it is not only others that are giving me stuff to do and more work to make sure is done 100% super perfectly; I am also doing that to myself.
I am a perfectionist, and I did this to myself, and I am letting things get to me because I don't know any better.

So, I decided that I will relax. See, even if you tell me, hey Dear, try to relax well ya? I'd tell you, I'm honestly trying but I can't! It is true! I am trying but I am unable to! Can you believe that I have forgotten how to relax? I started by "no more taking my work home with me" today, and when I closed the car door, I was like, ok, now what? What will I do? Mmm, why don't I think about what happened at work today? Or think about what I should do at work tomorrow... And I started revising what happened in the meeting with the director, and then the project team, and.... Heeey wait a minute! I am back to work!!!

What are my hobbies? Maybe I should do yoga, and get busy taking good pictures, why not? Mmm, mom told me I should go back to drawing!

So, guys, help a girl out.. Give me your ideas, brainstorm! What do people do to relax after work? Be anonymous if you wanna :p
Please give me something that doesn't require taking a vacation :D

PS Bliss and MOZA thnx for your comments :)